Oct 26, 2009

A girl's perspective on... "Breakthrough Comfort"

In the male dominated community based on female psychology for dating and relationships, Breakthrough Comfort is the term to describe the fundamentals behind creating a deep and lasting emotional connection with a girl.... in other words 'how to make her fall in love with you'.

In my view successful dating requires a mix of two - attraction (desire for control) and comfort (intense feel-good emotions). Combined you should have in most cases an interesting cocktail for flirty fun with almost anyone you choose. This being that you know what you are doing...

In my experience 'attraction' is the easier of the two to create, And also get over. I've never cried at night over a losing the attention of a rich guy or a man who had all the girls. But comfort is a nasty bitch waiting to happen. On its own its creepy and clingy and all the 'too-nice-guys' have it in spades... but combine it with a healthy dose of 'attraction', and the push-pull effect comes into play on a larger scale than just plain-jane 'hot & cold'.

Why? Well lets look at what a girl really wants. Simply to quote Julia Roberts 'We want the fairytale'... a strong white knight (attraction: power & status) coming to rescue us (comfort: big strong guy saves the fragile princess) on a white horse (comfort: awww, he likes animals too *simper*) from a very tall tower (attraction: dangerous & risky, he must be brave) who will whisk us away into the sunset to live happily ever after (comfort: he sees that we're special, no one else). In other words.... we want the cool guy to fall in love with us.

Breakthrough Comfort suggests techniques that convince a girl the guy in question is 'falling' for her. Women spend a lot of time dissecting a guy's behaviour. We have 'sweet' actions (this proves he loves me) and 'indifferent' actions (he doesn't care about me). Now for comfort to work there has to be both types of actions, because 'sweet' actions mean more at the end of the day if they are few and far between... but there has to be just enough to keep the girl from thinking the guy is callus bastard.

Ok so guys i bet you're thinking 'wow this sounds great'... but seriously i can vouch for the pain caused if they are not meant for something long-lasting and real:

While i adore the effect and feeling of 'deep-comfort' when its directed toward me (what girl wouldn't want a guy she is attracted to kiss her forehead affectionately, or stare into her eyes like he's lost in them)... they don't belong in a fling or other casual dalliances. Us girls convince ourselves that when a guy acts this way there can be no other reason other than he 'feels' a deep connection (translation: he is in love) and we see these few and far between actions as proof he is just in denial or afraid (translation: he needs reassurance before he can commit). We then relax and open our hearts and start to 'trust', because after the big-bad world has abused us its nice to know there is one big strong guy out there who will make it better. The only drawback is women don't close off their emotions very easily once the floodgates have opened, like men do. We take a long time warming up, but the cool-off can be forest fire. (a word of warning: some women are not emotional stable to handle rejection after this = bunny boiler time)

Breakthrough Comfort may be the the 'key' to getting her to fall in love with you, but i know honesty, attraction and light-hearted flirting work better at maintaining long term flings. Women these days are able to enjoy casual sex if we know the score all the way through the game. We like being able to detach and have fun without engaging our emotions too. Guys, please don't pull the wool over our eyes and let your deep-down insecurities (wanting everyone to like you/love you and needing emotional approval) create a situation you can't handle further down the line.

But if you want to break hearts then go for it, but i believe karma is a bitch who doesn't forget being scorned.



Good writing, as always. I don't like guys who play with emotions, or girls for that matter too shouldn't do it! Hope you are doing well! Miss you on our blog world!


love the post, especially that last line: -Karma is a bitch who doesn't forget being scorned.


Wow...a girl breaking down "Break Through Comfort"...now I have seen everything haha. :p


OD - thx my love miss u guys too. just had no time :(

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