When i tell people i live in the Matrix they usually just laugh... sounds strange but for me its as simple as 'observing' the world around you. It's pure quantum mechanics.
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
It was his birthday last week. He turned 30. Its funny but I never think of him anymore. It was just a reminder on facebook that turned my attention to him... my long term ex. We aren't friends, though I tried for so long to make it so. But it didn't work out, and now if someone ever asks me do you think you can be friends with an ex. My answer is quite simply now is 'no'.
No you can't. Not if it was real.
I tried it once with the long term ex. I loved him too much to give him up totally, but it just held me back. You remain friends because you fear to let go, to lose them forever and part of you secretly hopes that by keeping the lines of communication open, you will find away back in to their heart.
I tried it once with my re-bound guy. I valued him too much as a friend to give up the connection we had, but it just caused us both more pain. You remain friends because that was how you started out and part of you secretly hopes that things will just go back to the way they were when he was your best friend.
The best advice I ever had in getting over relationships that have run their course was and is 'no contact'. I almost wish someone had told me sooner but they probably had, only I had to learn the lesson first hand myself to understand its value.
One day maybe you can be friends… but for both of you to move on you can't think of that 'one day'. No contact means no contact, and it starts out as a permanent state, which is the only way to be fair to yourself, to your ex….
And of course to the next guy in your life... whoever he is. I think he at least deserves that ;)
Last night, after the theatre, I was sitting in Trash Palace, drinking lemonade of all things, with a friend who knows me better than most.
'L' has seen my spoilt-brat-meangirls-on-campus era, sat wide-eyed and expectant through my early 20s love, work & play dramas, and most importantly she was there to hold my hand through the darker period of my life that started with a breakup and ended with a bleak, no-light-at-end-of-the-tunnel-depression.
Yes... She has seen it all.
So it always halts me in my tracks when I sit back and realise just how far we have both come. I won't go into to her life story as it's personal to her, but I'm proud of her transformation... from when I knew her back then to who she is now. I don't think I tell her enough. Usually I'm naturally good at empathy, not so much sympathy (empathy is where you relate and sympathy is where you become), and last night I was neither... I focused on where I was and where i thought she should be (same place as me of course).. which was not the right way about it.
Yes… I still have a lot to learn!
Still our discussion became deeper as we both relaxed into our roles around each other… both of us giving each other food for thought. One question in particular was brought up. What is happiness? L, ever the creative, described her 'happiness' as the colours, sights, smells and sounds, etc the sensory information we receive in order to 'feel' the emotion of being happy. The answer for me is an intuition... its something i just know, is now a way of life and relatively easy for me to find again, regardless of where I am and what I'm experiencing.
Does that mean that 'feel' good emotions become easier to have and more common the more we experience that state? And so is happiness just a habit anyone can develop?
Candice Pert in her book 'Molecules of Emotion' talks about the creation or re-formation of neuropathways that release certain chemicals that trigger a particular 'feeling' if they are accessed multiple times. The more they are 'accessed' the stronger the formation of the neuropathway that releases the chemical and so a 'feeling' can develop into habit and further more into an addiction. If this is so… how can we 'develop' this happy preferred state so becomes a natural one?
In my perception/reality, regardless of the life you have, place you are… happiness comes from within. It is your perception of the choices in life that you have made. In short its your spin on the situation that can make it a good or bad one. And the more you reach for the positive, the easier it will be next time round. For example… I've written this post twice. The first time I must admit my style was a lot more eloquent… but my laptop crashed and I lost the whole thing. It is easier for the me now to 'let it go' and re-write it again. After all the words came from me, I'm still here… so theres no rule to say I can't re-create from me again the next-time, if not better! I don't have the old draft to compare but I like to think so ;)
L hit the nail on the head when she talked about happiness being the senses, as it is a feeling we have, a state we are in… happiness is not from the mind, it is not a thought. Yet a happy sense or feeling can come from a thought, but only from a positive thought. And so the key to being happy lies in our perception, our reality and our beliefs that we live our life by everyday. They are the restrictions we box ourselves in by, the limits we invest in, the rules we entertain…. And these in turn can be defined by the society we live in, our parents and teachers, the social circles we blend to, and the information we process.
Richard Bach in his book 'Illusions' wrote "If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem."
Its taken a while to get here, but my happiness is not dependent on anyone else. I don't live in a reality defined by others. I try to keep my boundaries limitless. I make and follow my own rules. And when you only have yourself to blame, and you love & respect who you are and the choices you have made... how can you be frustrated/angry/upset with the life you have?
After everything I've been through, I can now honestly say 'I love my life and I am happy' even when its not all roses. I've developed good habits… I'm more 'accepting', I'm more 'content' with the moment, to just let it be… and to just 'be'.
Summed up? Stuart Wilde had it right when he said "Life was never meant to be a struggle…". I completely agree.
"Girlfriend.... i've never said that before. Even though it freaks me out. I quite like it."
I actually listened to these lyrics the other day and i must say they really hit home. When i was that girl, the one ruled by her emotions... heart on her sleeve an all that... this was my song.
I didn't want to be the one to feel the way i did about someone, and be the only one telling them. And it hurt me that the person who i thought i loved, would say what i wanted to hear but still keep me waiting, unable to offer me anything real. I was the girl in that song... and i was let down so many times.
And now? Maybe i was wrong to be scared to 'Be the One'. If fear is only loss. And you can't lose what you didn't have to begin with... then the fear of rejection is obsolete. I've been burnt quite badly by love in the past and i came out stronger and happier for it. I wouldn't change a thing.
It has been said that 'there is a reason you choose what is happening around you. So hang on, live your way through it the best you know how, and in a bit, you'll find out why.'
I like that. I can relate. Every choice i made or every event that has happened to me in the past i can now see was for a reason, and the reason was always a good one. So how can i not be happy for every outcome however it makes me feel at the time.... cos eventually i will be better off and happier for it, and more importantly living the life i chose
I'm reminded now of something a wise friend said to me recently: 'you have to be open to love, regardless of their emotional baggage/hangups... as that's they only way to be true to yourself.' In a world where a lot of people become cynical and bitter after breakups, hardening their hearts to protect themselves... it would take a lot of courage and a lot of work on your inner self to be able love unconditionally like that. Almost like going full circle and becoming a child again, able to love openly without expectations, but with the wisdom to see past the fear of losing it.
So, if i can try to be selfless & open enough to love unconditionally, next time... just maybe, i also won't be afraid to 'Be the One'?
Until then... i'll admit, i do quite like this song ;)
© 2009 The Lifestyle Artist. Powered by Blogger.
Back to TOP