Feb 15, 2009

When a guy says "Lets just be friends..."

Hands up who hasn't heard this one before? lol.... yeah us girls get it just as much as guys.

LJBF Translation: i want to keep you on a string just in case the situation/my feelings/you change enough to keep me interested....

In short, we all like to have an 'orbit' of admirers in our midst. Those we 'sorta' like but not enough to that we see stars and get tummy butterflies. Why? Well, we do it for our ego, for attention, to keep us 'warm' through those bleaker days when sexy guy no. 1 is just not available.

So when a guy turns the table and plays the 'LJBF Card' on you. How do you take it? 

In the past i would have probably called him 'confusing', called up my girls for a vent on how frustrating it was that he was keeping me at a distance when he blatantly fancied me. I would have continued to let him 'dangle' the carrot of 'something more' everytime i saw him.... feeding his ego and feeling 'useless' and 'unattractive' with the unspoken rejection he teased me with. 

I don't think i have to point out this is not the way to get the guy ;) In this situation he is in control and he knows it. And although you know he is attracted to you.... the problem is he knows he can have you as somehow that became clear through your past behaviour, the chase and/or your value lost its appeal to him and now he is holding back because he can. He is playing with you and at best you can just walk away right? Replace him with a guy who is nice and adores you and the ground you walk on, will delare his undying love for you, etc...

Nope. Boring. Theres a reason you're attracted to the 'game player' and not the 'nice guy'.

You can't have him. 

And in that is the key to getting him and keeping him interested!

1) Take a step back: change the rules in your favour. Make him understand it's you who is holding back on taking this forward. Never be further ahead emotionally/mentally in any relationship than the guy. He has to lead freely, not you dragging him forward or willing him to make a move. If a man did this you how would you react? Pull away right? Then thats exactly what he will do if you decide to lead and he's not sure. Don't chase/smother or crowd him. Invest time in yourself and your life. He is just the icing on the cake... not the main ingredient.

2) LJBF him: mirror his move. If he says 'we're friends right?'. Smile and say 'of course we're friends... why would you think otherwise. I mean i like you an all but not in that way.' Use the word 'friend' a lot. Treat him like an older (or younger!) brother and tell him he reminds you of one. Tell him 'you love being friends with him... hes the first guy that you can really open up to without that awkward sexual tension getting in the way' which of course isn't true ;) Tell him 'he makes you feel safe because you know he doesn't see you that way'. Trust me... guys hate to be boxed in like this especially when you 'assume' something wrong about them. And you're creating a world where there are rules and the rule is he can't have you!

3) Create a Triangle: provide a setting where you are in demand. Everyone has admirers. Let him see you are desired. This builds the attraction he has for you. A well timed call from another guy when you are with him will do the trick. The key is let him see you choose/prefer to spend time him... 'your friend'... over them so that he can see you are selective not easy... and it makes him feel good (but confused. which is a good thing!). Ask him to be your wing man when out for the night. Then let him rescue you from bad chat up attempts or better still from awful dates (call him halfway through to help you escape! and then both laugh about it in a bar down the road afterwards). Tell him 'hes such a nice guy and other guys just aren't reliable like him.' Use words to describe him as you would a pet dog (sweet, safe, dependable, caring, trustworthy). Of course he'll want to prove you wrong ;)

4) Create a subtle sexual tension: Ok you may say you don't fancy him... but this is not how you act. Flirt like you don't realise your doing it. Be innocent to your sexuality and how it affects him when you are together. Touch his arm/back innocently, hug him, massage his shoulders, do the little cute things you know drives him crazy.... but don't let on you know you're doing them. If you're a naturally sexy girl then you'll prob do this to him without realising. You can even go further, if you dare to, with a little admission that you find him a bit attractive one night when your really drunk (Make it the in-joke of the evening that of course you find him sexy and maybe you'll even consider a marriage pact @ 40 with him if theres no one else for you. Of course he'll still be single... so bonus for him) You can always ignore it the next day when your hungover and sober or keep the joke running that he's your reserve. Your kids would look ok so he can be on your list for now ;) Confuse the hell out of him? Hell yeah... why not ;)

5) Enjoy time with him: this is the easy one. Have a laugh. Make adventures. Create a world with just the two of you in it. This will develop his emotional & mental attraction for you rather than just physical. 

6) Like him, date others: I've added this in because i think its one element that was missing when i first posted this. Girls tend to put all their 'eggs in one basket' by focusing on their 'feelings' for just one guy. You need to widen the net by dating other men, and it doesn't have to be physical, just dinner & drinks. This will in turn do two things: Firstly it will help you develop preferences for what you like and don't like in a man so you can compare with the one you really like, and secondly take the pressure and your attention off him periodically to give him time to miss you. To quote Stephanie Klein.... always have a pair & a spare.

Ok challenge set... now just sit back and watch him rise to it ;) And if he doesn't?... try not to take it as a reflection on you. Enjoy it for what it is... just a game. If you had fun being in his company then you've lost nothing but gained some nice moments & memories. Also realise if he's not taking the bait then he's not giving you what you desire (and this is all about you right?), so find someone that can and will. There will always be a guy out there to replace him so put the 'game player' on a back burner and move on.... don't settle for anything less, don't waste your time and most importantly don't chase.

N.B. If the guy genuinely likes you but is hesitating because of lack of confidence or because you've been sending mixed signals yourself... this will only make him more uncertain and for sure he will back off to avoid rejection. Just be aware of the guy & your actions girls... 



I play games with girls I am semi-interested in, we all do; Teasing and so forth. But if it ever got to the point where I said "Let's just be friends" it would be because the spark of fun in playing games with each other had gone, or because the girl was coming on strong when I was never attracted to her in the first place. Interesting post though :-)


Good point! This was something i was going to stress in the post but i thought it was obvious ;) The guy HAS to be attracted/interested to you or you'll be wasting your time. The post is just some pointers in rekindling the spark and developing some attraction between you by creating boundaries/challenges/rules that he will enjoy breaking. Its also how to get a girl to change her behaviour.... as yes i agree a girl can come on too strong which can turn a guy off.

In my experience guys say 'ljbf' when they don't want to 'hurt a girl because they think she is more into him that he is into her... i realised after a while that is because women confuse their emotional connection/bond with a guy with feelings of 'love'. Men don't and take longer to develop that connection which is why they can and will pull away first when the girl gets all 'doe-eyed'. My aim of this post/blog is to get girls to learn from guys how to take a step back from their emotions... and don't fall in love with the first guy who shows the attention as how does she know he is right for her? Oh and to have fun and just enjoy the game... as that is what it is ;)


I've just stumbled upon this but i must say it was extremely helpful!
Now I can take charge of our "friendship". <3 4 the advice!


What if you were dating this person (although briefly) and you've already had sex? What if he broke up with you and says that his feelings never changed, he still loves you, but is just not ready to be in a relationship with anyone because he's not ready to risk being hurt again? We no longer have a physical relationship but I still find it so hard to be just friends with him and pretend it doesn't hurt that he doesn't want to be with me anymore.


Wow, this is superb!!!My guy told me that this morning, we had a relationship for 1 year and 3 months, this game plan is superb coz if the guy has left you, if he'd come back cz of this, u r win, if he'd not again your win cz you get the wisdom that you deserv some one nicer than him for you :)


yes :) I would say that its good to get in the mindset that there is always someone better out there for you and go find that. If he comes back he comes back... win/win

and being friends never seems to work. has never for me. also better for you to distance the friendship than him to do it for you. x


I have a issue I had been talking to a Guy / hanging out with a Guy for. A couple of months and we have had sex a couple of times. We talked and text everyday. In beginning. He told. Me that he wanted. To start off slow and get to know each other and didn't. Want. A relationship. But after talking. For a while. And. Having sex. I started. Getting. Feelings. So brought up does he see us together in the future. And he said he can't predict. The future. And right now he doesn't. Want a relationship. He just wants a friendship. I haven't. Talked. To him since. That conversation. And we usually. Talk everyday. What should. I do?

This comment has been removed by the author.

Chris says in response to me asking from a guy's pov : "depends on what she wants. Might be that she's happy with that as an independant woman... but whilst on occasion some guys cave in and love a girl after a while (they're just in denial in the first place about a relationship) most don't change their spots so she should make her decision based that an accept that he's not the right one if she isn't happy with it"


And here's what i say: hmmm.... ok well you want a relationship and he doesn't. I would say that is pretty clear. If you continue to see each other you are going to fall deeper, and you can't make a guy fall in love with you by being 'nice' or by trying to convince him you are the one. I would advise that you thank him for the fun times, and end it gracefully before you get hurt. Keep your distance for a while until you feel over him then be friends. If he wants you he will chase you and tell u he wants you to be his gf, otherwise he's just playing with you and is a genuine flake. Fine someone who knows what you are worth and feels the same. Good luck with it let me know how it goes! Lx


Great post. It was a wake up call and I plan to play the game as well. After dating a man for a year he still says he "LIKES" me. Really? I tell him how I feel and that's the only comment I get. It's obvious, he isn't the one. I will be his friend since that is what he wants and go from there. I am definitely going to LIKE him and date other men. I think he lost the chase with me and he is bored. Oh well too many woman out there for this confident woman. Thanks so much for the post.


referring to last note. I meant to say too many MEN out there for this confident woman. lmao!


I think that as much as it hurts you have to let it go. You never know how long his pain will take to heal and as you wait for his to heal you'll be hurting yourself til you have nothing. If you are strong enough to play theLJBF card without any emotional interruptions then take it your time,take it slow there is a huge chance it will work out. The problem is when we are not strong enough and have all these emotions. Ask yourself "really, why can't I be friends?" Is it worth letting go? Is it worth staying friends and see what happens? Are u too hurt? I think space and time until you figure out how to deal with your emotions before you can deal with a relationship.


So, why can't people just tell it like it is? Either you like her or you don't...and girls, can you REALLY
turn him off?


I've been hooking up with the same guy for a good 3 years already. We don't have sex although we do other things. He always gave me mixed signals and I was never sure as to where I stood with him because we would be great together but then he wouldn't text me for weeks at a time and would only want to hang out at one of our houses. Because I started to feel like he was more interested in me I began to like him more and wondered how he felt about me. Last night was probably one of our most fun nights together and I decided that I should tell him that I liked him. When i told him this he told me that he didn't know how to respond because he sees me as more of a friend. I don't get where I went wrong or how after this long that's all he wants from me. Can you please give me some sort of advice?


ctionMoI had what I thought would be a one night stand...but,we ended up hangin out for almost a month.....he told me he liked another girl..but,she wasnt into him.I told him I wanted to give him some love...not that I was in love with him and he freaked out.He told me he just wanted to be friends and he felt there was something not quite right.Then when I said ok and went to leave he said he did like me alot and was into me....maybe things will change.What should I do....I want to be his friend.I dont think I can without wanting to have sex.When I told him that he said of course you still want to have sex.Which was egotistical.I wonder if he will ever get it or if I should just say forget that guy and move on?Anyone got advice?


just fcuk you! you are saying that girls should friendzone other random and NICE GUYS so they finally break trough to the jerk?!

or are you saying if a guy wants to wait, or is not ready for a relationship just freak the shit out of him, so he will never be able to understand you?

thats the difference. Girls Think. Guys just love (or they dont)


We no I did not say that. Re-read the post! It says that you should move on and see him just as a friend, and date other guys.


LJBF its happening to me now ! But my case is more complicated ! I do have a boyfriend but a met a guy a couple months ago we get alone super well ( fromtbe beginig he knew about my bf ) the thing is we started to meet each other !! Bla bla and the he knew that i was having problem with my bf so we started to get very closer friend, he started to hold my hand , hug me ultil one day we kiss and we ended having sex . After that was all very weird but we keep seing each other and saying that the will not hapend again , well did happend but not sex just kisses and the all became just weird . Until one that that he told me that he know what are my feelings to him but his feeling where not going to the same place that mine , so inwas like what ? All the things that you told me before are vanished and he change his mind ? I totally undertand in one way I DO HAVE A BF but how come did he change so fast ? Ofcourse that i have being thinking about and what he said that i was the best that had happend to him so far but lets just keep it as friends cuz you are so important to me ! Damn it


I had said this to a coworker recently. Even tho the feelings for her were so strong. I had to say this. There are three main reasons why I said this.

1. we work together. as a guy I stand to lose more if I date a coworker. I nearly got fired at my last job, because my boss would hit on me. And when I woulnd't reciprocate, she complained and nearly had me fired. They believed her over me, because I am a male.

2. She flirts with other guys right in front of me. I don't care if she flirts with guys, and I understand that as a woman, they only have a limited amount of time to find the "right guy" Flirting and testing, makes it much quicker. I am just not interestd in being one of several guys orbiting her vagina. Especially, when we work together. I don't think that's wise.
And 3. Is she nice to me? She comes off pretty rude to me half the time, and we are not dating and she's not my boss. I think she should have some better manners.


I'm having the same problem.I met a guy who told me he had a crush on me since we were kids..We met up and hit it off great even started dating .I waited to sleep with him and he said he had more respect for me.We'll he had a chat with his brother who told him he had slept with me 16yrs prior to us dating.We went from talking every day for hours to barely talking at all.At first he said he could'nt handle knowing .But then he said since it was so long ago it was fine.Now i moved to the state he lives in and he is so distant with me and says lets just be friends.When i asked him for benefits he said he doesnt look at me in that was that he looks at me as a friend.I dont get it .After all he knew how much i liked him and at he said he felt the same way.What should I do I'm so confused right now....


I was talking to a guy, and he said he was looking for a friend. So we were cool at first then he would call be babe and I would do the same. But he wouldn't open up completely, the "friend title" was always thrown up when he was getting to relaxed. I was constanly confused. He has been in and out of my life for months, I get frustrated because I don't know what he want. I fill like he just want my company and anything else, but no commitment. This last time when I said I had enough he tells me when I told him that I felt he was seeing other weman and that wasn't working for me his reply was " I could have been with other weman but I choose you after all of the things we had shared with each other... I still think he was running game????? We haven't talked now for a month almost:-(


What if the guy said that he feels that he is more into me than I am into him, therefore he feels that we should be fiends? I was holding back trying to follow his lead, but that made him feel that I wasn't interested.


I am a high school student and i am currently got LJBF by a guy.we jz know each other for a year plus thru the same school society (RCS) that we join.to us,our society meant a lot to us...well practically mayb life is much better here than anywhere else.he was the president n i was his assistant.as we r working partners,we realized that we had a lot in common.we think alike n almost always doing the same thing at the same time.sometimes we even experienced "unexpected events" that ppl will only believe happen in dramas (like attempt-CPR-on-hm..=.= unbelievable but true story) call me crazy if you want but i swear to god i am not lying...i felt lk it was written up thr to meet hm...there r times i feel it is not healthy to have affairs with my co-partner as it might bring bad influence in my future as i enter the working world?so there r several attempts made to forget hm but everytime i do that something sure happen!!the most obvious was the time i am determine to jz ignore my feelings for good!!i sped up my walking as he was behind me,then suddenly i heard lk smthg fell.i turn n see him fall on the ground n injured himself...that time i felt bad to hv this thought ever. of course being his assistant has its ups n downs...we recently brought fame to our society in a competition that we had not won champion for 8 yrs!!that time ppl thought it was impossible....he would tease me,annoy me ,joke around n we had fun together!!most important was he trust me n share some of his secrets to me (which he won't do for anyone else other than me n i am sure bcz it seems lk everyone don't know hm...not as much as me) sometimes there is even moments when he would come up close to me romantically n soften the tone of his voice..those personal moments r very subtle but it was really unexpected as he is a quiet person....still we had fights but always make it up to each other after a few hours or days...depends.there was one fight that mk me cry for hm lk 9 times n a huge misunderstanding was created btwn us.that time he refuse to explain to me n i would not talk to him,still he talk to my friends.i got pissed off n demand the truth frm my friends...their words shock me when i found out he actually help me a great deal...just he did not intend to let me know.....then later came to our last activity together where we join camp...that is when i confessed to hm that i lk hm...he was lk "ok.." n i was shaking so bad that i jz straight turn n walk away frm hm.then he acted normal then sudden silence..frm text message to friend request,no response...so decided to explain to him abt that nite n ask if we r still friends? (I was soo scare that i might even lose hm as my friend)still fail n i thought it was over until one day he explain that he was overseas for awhile n that time hs cousin hack some social network acc n block his friends which includes me...then he brought up abt "the awkward part" n agree to stay as friends n he offer to b my besties...everyone told me that i got rejected n should move on...but i don't feel that way...not with what he has done for me n now he is still nice to me...so what should i do?whn i read this post i thought it might b an alternative...do you think this is wise?


Sorry if my comment was long but i had to tell the whole picture in order for any of you to help me =)


I am Latchmie, i never believes in spells and magic until i experienced one sometimes ago and it really worked for me. I was in love with this guy and he was in love with me for 4 years and we were Ready to get married until this a lady strolled along and took my man away from me. i was really devastated so i contact a friend of mine who now introduce me to Dr. Stanley, and he said that he is going to help me cast a spell that we bring back my man within three day and truly to the word i got my man back within the three day as promised by Dr. Stanley. You can contact him via his email address drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com or call +2348038139297. If you need his help..........{Latchmie}


i am into my leave my man alone when i contacted ekaka for a spell love that will help me win my husband back and have a love spell casting with DR.Ekaka. email: ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com and today my husband emailed me and also called me yesterday asking for my forgiveness. this is on the 5th day of the 1st spell and he is already contacting me. wow, i was starting to think i was beating a dead horse since i have heard from him in 4month. thank you so much DR.Ekaka, i can not wait to see him fully in love with me again. thank you for helping me. i am going to recommend your service to my friends. thank you again and thank you papa DR.Ekaka


I just want the women to know who read this that men aren't as "in the clouds" as you think. Just because we may spend time with you, call you, text you, compliment you, doesn't always mean that we are into you ladies in a romantic way...you may just be fun to be around and you very well may be attractive...doesn't mean that because we say "lets just be friends" that we are stringing you along. There are some good guys out there who wouldn't do that, like myself. I have beautiful female friends. All shapes, all sizes. All amazing in their own way. If I had to tell any of them "lets just be friends" its because i meant it...not because I wanted to keep her attached while keeping my eye open for other options. If I am interested you will know...there is no confusion..grown men don't play games like that. If the dude you are talking to or friends with gives you that speech then take his word for it...keep YOUR options open and just treat him like a bro. If he WAS just saying that he will hate it and get out of the friend zone as soon as possible...if he does mean it then you will just have a friendship and nothing more. Don't waste your time. We men are NOT as confused as ya'll girls think...we know what we want, we go after it, we get it. Thats not to say feelings can't change because they can but don't let that hope that you have stop you from living your life and making this dude your #1 when he is clearly entertaining other girls whether you know it or not. In the past if I encountered a female that was coming on strong or just openly admitted feelings when I didn't feel the same I directly told her...playing games are for boys...surround yourself with a real man that appreciates you and doesn't want to risk the chance of you finding some other man. When I met my girl I wifed her up QUICK and now we getting married in 4 months after a year of dating...I don't play that. i saw her worth, I recognozed it, and took her off the market. Please reserve your energy for a man who is worth your time. Your beauttiful and deserve to be respected and made as a priority...not just some dude's option. Much love to you ladies...good luck

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A testimony that i will tell to everyone in this BLOG. i have been on my matrimonial home for four good years and on the fifth years of my marriage, a neighboring woman had a spell to take my lover away from me. My husband left me and the kids,we suffered for 2years until i met Therapist Oniha of the WIN EX BACK SPELL where so many people have been helped,i decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home even not for me but just for the kids,the therapist to me what to do within the next 3 days after doing what therapist Oniha ask of me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband,he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make anybody is same issue to visit this Therapist Oniha via Email winexbackspell@gmail.com and have your lover back to your self. Swin lam

harry patt

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My name is suat sighn, I live in Philippines. I am happily married with two kids and a beautiful wife,i want to testify the goodness of Therapist Oniha on how he saved my love life,something terrible happened to my family, I lost my job and my wife packed out of my house because I was unable to take care of her and the kids at the time. I manage all through for four years until I cannot cope with the situation again,so I searched on the internet for any help about getting back my family and job. I came across so many testimonies which make me confuse to my frustration,I decided to choose Therapist Oniha of winexbackspell@gmail.com who attended to me and instructed me on things to do,which I did with faith and within 3 days, my office called and gave me back my work on that same day my wife came back home with the kids and apologized for her actions and now we are happily living together again,i am so happy shearing the goodness of Therapist Oniha of the winexbackspell@gmail.com once again. Tell Therapist Oniha i am grateful.


Thank you for everything! I was afraid I lost him forever and I didn’t know what to do. You were my last hope and your love spell really worked for me. He came right back to me and it was like all of our problems were just cleansed away. I can never thank you enough! I can't believe how fast everything came together and we got right on with our lives. Thanks Dr. Lee of the Ancientfathersandmothers@gmail.com your spells are really wonderful and I shall tell the whole world about your work and how you helps.


Thank you for everything! I was afraid I lost him forever and I didn’t know what to do. You were my last hope and your love spell really worked for me. He came right back to me and it was like all of our problems were just cleansed away. I can never thank you enough! I can't believe how fast everything came together and we got right on with our lives. Thanks Dr. Lee of the Ancientfathersandmothers@gmail.com your spells are really wonderful and I shall tell the whole world about your work and how you helps.

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