LJBF Translation: i want to keep you on a string just in case the situation/my feelings/you change enough to keep me interested....
In short, we all like to have an 'orbit' of admirers in our midst. Those we 'sorta' like but not enough to that we see stars and get tummy butterflies. Why? Well, we do it for our ego, for attention, to keep us 'warm' through those bleaker days when sexy guy no. 1 is just not available.
So when a guy turns the table and plays the 'LJBF Card' on you. How do you take it?
In the past i would have probably called him 'confusing', called up my girls for a vent on how frustrating it was that he was keeping me at a distance when he blatantly fancied me. I would have continued to let him 'dangle' the carrot of 'something more' everytime i saw him.... feeding his ego and feeling 'useless' and 'unattractive' with the unspoken rejection he teased me with.
I don't think i have to point out this is not the way to get the guy ;) In this situation he is in control and he knows it. And although you know he is attracted to you.... the problem is he knows he can have you as somehow that became clear through your past behaviour, the chase and/or your value lost its appeal to him and now he is holding back because he can. He is playing with you and at best you can just walk away right? Replace him with a guy who is nice and adores you and the ground you walk on, will delare his undying love for you, etc...
Nope. Boring. Theres a reason you're attracted to the 'game player' and not the 'nice guy'.
You can't have him.
And in that is the key to getting him and keeping him interested!
1) Take a step back: change the rules in your favour. Make him understand it's you who is holding back on taking this forward. Never be further ahead emotionally/mentally in any relationship than the guy. He has to lead freely, not you dragging him forward or willing him to make a move. If a man did this you how would you react? Pull away right? Then thats exactly what he will do if you decide to lead and he's not sure. Don't chase/smother or crowd him. Invest time in yourself and your life. He is just the icing on the cake... not the main ingredient.
2) LJBF him: mirror his move. If he says 'we're friends right?'. Smile and say 'of course we're friends... why would you think otherwise. I mean i like you an all but not in that way.' Use the word 'friend' a lot. Treat him like an older (or younger!) brother and tell him he reminds you of one. Tell him 'you love being friends with him... hes the first guy that you can really open up to without that awkward sexual tension getting in the way' which of course isn't true ;) Tell him 'he makes you feel safe because you know he doesn't see you that way'. Trust me... guys hate to be boxed in like this especially when you 'assume' something wrong about them. And you're creating a world where there are rules and the rule is he can't have you!
3) Create a Triangle: provide a setting where you are in demand. Everyone has admirers. Let him see you are desired. This builds the attraction he has for you. A well timed call from another guy when you are with him will do the trick. The key is let him see you choose/prefer to spend time him... 'your friend'... over them so that he can see you are selective not easy... and it makes him feel good (but confused. which is a good thing!). Ask him to be your wing man when out for the night. Then let him rescue you from bad chat up attempts or better still from awful dates (call him halfway through to help you escape! and then both laugh about it in a bar down the road afterwards). Tell him 'hes such a nice guy and other guys just aren't reliable like him.' Use words to describe him as you would a pet dog (sweet, safe, dependable, caring, trustworthy). Of course he'll want to prove you wrong ;)
4) Create a subtle sexual tension: Ok you may say you don't fancy him... but this is not how you act. Flirt like you don't realise your doing it. Be innocent to your sexuality and how it affects him when you are together. Touch his arm/back innocently, hug him, massage his shoulders, do the little cute things you know drives him crazy.... but don't let on you know you're doing them. If you're a naturally sexy girl then you'll prob do this to him without realising. You can even go further, if you dare to, with a little admission that you find him a bit attractive one night when your really drunk (Make it the in-joke of the evening that of course you find him sexy and maybe you'll even consider a marriage pact @ 40 with him if theres no one else for you. Of course he'll still be single... so bonus for him) You can always ignore it the next day when your hungover and sober or keep the joke running that he's your reserve. Your kids would look ok so he can be on your list for now ;) Confuse the hell out of him? Hell yeah... why not ;)
5) Enjoy time with him: this is the easy one. Have a laugh. Make adventures. Create a world with just the two of you in it. This will develop his emotional & mental attraction for you rather than just physical.
6) Like him, date others: I've added this in because i think its one element that was missing when i first posted this. Girls tend to put all their 'eggs in one basket' by focusing on their 'feelings' for just one guy. You need to widen the net by dating other men, and it doesn't have to be physical, just dinner & drinks. This will in turn do two things: Firstly it will help you develop preferences for what you like and don't like in a man so you can compare with the one you really like, and secondly take the pressure and your attention off him periodically to give him time to miss you. To quote Stephanie Klein.... always have a pair & a spare.
Ok challenge set... now just sit back and watch him rise to it ;) And if he doesn't?... try not to take it as a reflection on you. Enjoy it for what it is... just a game. If you had fun being in his company then you've lost nothing but gained some nice moments & memories. Also realise if he's not taking the bait then he's not giving you what you desire (and this is all about you right?), so find someone that can and will. There will always be a guy out there to replace him so put the 'game player' on a back burner and move on.... don't settle for anything less, don't waste your time and most importantly don't chase.
N.B. If the guy genuinely likes you but is hesitating because of lack of confidence or because you've been sending mixed signals yourself... this will only make him more uncertain and for sure he will back off to avoid rejection. Just be aware of the guy & your actions girls...