Last night, a friend, who i affectionately refer to as 'Guru M' these days, gave me a lift home after catching up with him for a drink. Didn't go to plan as he had to leave early. I guess he felt bad about that, hence the lift home... which took him miles out of his way!?
For a young guy who is a walking 'Armani advert' its easy to like him. Yes. That's superficial. But a bit of eye candy is always welcome right ;) On another level, its hard not to adore someone who has a good heart... and has a depth to them that reminds you of an ocean you may need lifetimes to explore, never mind understand. Women can be spiritual, emotional and deep, but when you meet a guy with these traits, for me, its almost like finding an equal. So on the rare occasion i get the chance to talk with him... i can guarantee he will impart something new for me to ponder, and last night was no exception.
Walking to his car, I admit, I was feeling a little drunk after only one glass... nothing new there then. And M, who reminds me of a Buddhist monk with a chill pill - Zen in the art of everything, especially managing drunk girls, steered me in the direction of his car.
I was far from graceful. I blamed the roads and my high heels. He laughed. He opened the car door. I enthusiastically offered to drive. He laughed. I tried to get us lost using my Google maps. I chatted on about things that you only find funny when slightly half-cut. He listened with an amused smile and a patient ear. After a while the conversation turned to deeper things:
Me: talking about positivity/ego etc...
Guru M: You are not at all like i thought. Well i never knew you, but I got the wrong impression about you, you know...before we started talking.
Me: Oh? well same here. I assumed you were different. What gave you that idea about me?
Guru M: Well from [mutual friend]. But you are very evolved.
Me: Well at the time when we first met, the guy i was with seemed to bring out the worst in me.
Guru M: oh?
Me: I wasn't happy with who i was when i was around him. Now i make sure i'm with someone who out brings out the best in me.
Guru M: That's very important. i think i only recently realised how important it is to be with someone who makes you a better person.
Me: I totally agree. I'm really grateful for the people in my life now.
Guru M: Same. My girlfriend in [far away country]. She brings out the best in me. I don't miss the late nights, the temptations...
Me: Temptations? Oh you mean women... ?
Guru M: *laughs* yes.
Me: Do you miss her? Your girlfriend?
Guru M: No. I know what it means to 'miss' someone and what to do to avoid it.
Me: What do you do?
Guru M: *laughs* You really want to know?
Me: Er...no. That's ok. *blush* you can guess what i'm thinking here...
Guru M: What? HaHa.. No! Not like that. Do you know why you 'miss' someone?
Me: You miss someone because you are addicted to how they make you feel?
Guru M: Yes in a way. In reality your ego is only getting attention/energy from one source...
Me: and you should be getting it from other sources like yourself or from the positive events in life?
Guru M: Exactly. I don't 'miss' her because 'missing' is a negative emotion. Like when you 'miss' the train... that is something you didn't want to do. It takes away from you and drains you. When you miss someone you you are not really here, your thoughts and energy is with them wherever they are, but you can control that. I understand that my energy should be here... in the now. Being apart is not a negative thing. It is positive. You see what you would normally take for granted and appreciate it. How is that negative?
Me: Right. i think i understand.
Guru M: *smiles* You will.
I get home about 10.30pm. M watches me unlock the door and safely close it behind me. He drives away and I sit there wondering about how 'missing' someone is just another validation of your ego from a source other than yourself or the positive things in life. I always 'liked' missing my long-term ex bf when we were together and now i can see it was another form of addiction. I 'missed' how he made me feel.
And now? maybe i should practice 'missing' nothing. After all a 'missed' train is just a blessing in disguise.... so why not 'missing' a person? It gives you time to yourself away from their perspective, enough to find yourself again, and to fit in time for other commitments e.g. family, friends, work... without having to feel guilty.
Still i love it when someone misses me or should i say my ego does ;)
Will have to ask M how he handles that one....