Feb 3, 2009

Love & Fear

I was at a lecture on Saturday when Jamie, our lovely student teacher, pointed out to me that there were only two basic human emotions Love Fear. He then went on to divide all common human traits/conditions/feelings into these two categories with ease... to further prove this to me.... just incase i wasn't listening - though i always listen to Jamie! ;)

Now it must have made sense because i had one of those lightbulb moments. My ears were glued to Jamie's voice while scribbling pages and pages of my own notes, nothing based on anything he was saying. Like when you have this song going round and round in your head for days and you can't for the life of you remember the lyrics. Then friend just turns to you one day and tells you the band's name in passing in a totally different line of conversation and lyrics are suddenly there in black and white? well it was like that. It was the simple solution or theory that i had been looking for (i blame quantum physics for my love of all-emcompassing yet surprisingly simple solutions to life!) that would help me communicate the key concepts of my ideas to others. Confused? Let me explain...

For pretty much all of last year i had been working on just one side of my life - developing the emotions linked with love - and when i mean love i mean the 'unconditional positive emotion' kind not the blockbuster movie ending version ;) - anyway i did this using ideas i had gathered through my own research and those my ex boyfriend had opened my eyes to many years ago... who incidentally is kinda my first teacher in all of this... but hey! ...thats another story ;)  Anyway bottom line is my life became exactly what i wanted. The universe seemed to on my side, everything fell easily into place, i was buzzing with energy... yet, i still couldn't maintain the high level of positive emotions. They would build and build and build, the sky was the limit or so it seemed, until they crashed, big time, and unfortunately... i also with them. 

I couldn't understand it of course, but i felt it was only natural to experience a dive after a high. Surely it wasn't sustainable? But if i believed in abundance - the belief that there is enough for everyone - then why couldn't this feeling be maintained? What was it that was bringing about these insufferable lows? They didn't last long - a day or two, but they were unavoidable. Of course i felt cheated that i'd put so much effort into this to make it work... but not in a way i expected. There shouldn't be a price to pay. My world didn't revolve around the nature of 'barter'... that was a society enforced exchange that didn't mesh with me. Then 6 months ago, as though i'd created it, funnily enough i probably had ;) it all changed. 

They say 'when a student is ready the teacher appears'. Well not to be greedy, but I had two....

One was a long-term friend who i hardly spoke to in person so i immediately assumed him not to have a certain depth to him, mainly because of his young age, his very good looks and his job as a nightclub door manager. He had always been very kind towards me but i assumed this was because of the mutual friends we had... so when he happened to chat to me on msn one Saturday i thought it just a casual hello. I was wrong on both accounts (him and the hello!) and was suddenly out of my depth, chatting to a guy who seemed light-years beyond wise. Without me knowing it he solved the root of my issue in one msn conversation. At the time, though i was not able to assimilate his words on my own, he was right on the money. What he did do, now i look back, was guide me in the right direction to knowing what i needed to learn... and usually thats the hardest part of the all to embrace.

The second friend, was a chance meeting. From the second we met his self confidence or should i say lack of fear was unquestioningly attractive, as any negatives he encountered was like water off a duck's back... he just didn't care. He had what i was trying to bring into my life and more importantly it was something he had consciously learnt (unlike my other friend who, such a natural, could share only the end result... not how he got there). He inspired me to research this part of myself - the inflated ego that controlled the fear and ultimately the flow of negative emotions that engulfed my tiny frame from time to time. He introduced me to materials that touched on techniques that helped me take fear and reduce it to nothing or negate its importance. Of course it was never talked about it in these terms as for guys they call it something different (inner game) and its usually directed at the important things in a guys life (social status, women, career) but essentially it was the same stuff. I took the basics and moulded them to what i needed or what i felt women needed. He had moved me with his life and how he lived so positively, so easily that i couldn't help but want to learn as much as possible and get a glimpse into the world of dating for a guy while i was at it ;)

And now 12 months later i can simplify these lessons as i see them:

Love - building positive emotions
- creating reality/desires
- living in the moment
- reliving/appreciating past experiences
- increasing value & attraction

Fear - releasing negative emotions
- art of allowing attraction/reality
- observing the ego/mind (then quietening)
- own source of validation/attention
- perceiving the(your) truth

Some of these are closely linked under both headings and working on just one will do wonders...  but you need to do both to complete the cycle - everything needs balance. Like Yin & Yang.

When i look back i had no tools for dealing with negative emotion except to ignore them. This worked for while but they have the uncanny ability to rear their ugly heads all at once and like a hydra... you chop one off and two grow back in its place!

Now i deal with the negative almost as much as i do the positive. I'm thankful i've had the opportunity to live and meet with so many people in my life that have taught me well. 

What i've outlined above is a very basic outline and was just a teaser really to get the ball rolling. Each topic has a hell of lot more flesh to them as you can imagine. Hopefully i will get time to divulge a little more technique than drama on each of the four points of both in future posts so please feel free to subscribe...


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