Jan 7, 2010

What a difference a day makes... or "the art of forgiving a man"

My New Years gift to you ladies...


Meet Paul Wesley, rising star in the new teen-drama hit 'the vampire diaries'.... *sigh* and yes i too get shivers all over just looking at this picture ;)

Ok back to the article...

Sooo every morning i wake up and for a barest of minutes while i slumber between wake and dreaming, there is nothing on my mind. It is empty. And then it dawns like a bad memory and the unresolved emotions come flooding back to bite me in the ass. There lies a soft sadness that lingers at the back of my throat. Noted i proceed to get up and get out and on with my day.

It takes me the next 12 hours of walking, reading, working, people watching and eating to fully dissolve that sadness into nothing. I've devised this concept of fully immersing myself in feeling, whatever it is, and riding it out. I don't mean moping or dwelling on it like a stroppy teenager, i mean taking whatever raw emotion it is and tracing it back to the source. I want to know where it comes from, how it developed, what makes it better/worse, i want to understand every aspect of this feeling until it feels like nothing but a gift of knowing myself better.

By nighttime the feeling has been transformed from "this really hurts me" to "this was never about me"...

Forgiveness isn't about condoning what someone did to you in the past. Its not about saying that you are worth less because you accept the way they treated you. Its about accepting it and realising others only hurt you because they were in some form of fear about their own lives.

... it was always about them.

and when you finally accept this opportunity to become more open and less judgemental, to learn the lesson, well you let go and finally move on. And dump the not-so-desirable emotional baggage that makes you feel drained just carrying it around all day.

Until this week i was still carrying the pain and hurt from a very old relationship. I had never forgiven him. Funny because i didn't even realise i needed to forgive. That's how arrogant i can be. But not forgiving keeps you stuck in the past, living in denial-ville (thank you Isa), and repeating the same mistakes and accusations over and over and over.

I got no room for this baggage in 2010. Time to travel light i say.

L x

4 comments:

5.0

Great post as always...

...but im slightly baffled by the 'hot naked men' tag...?!

Amanda

Good for you-Traveling light is the way to go!
And *Drool* on the pic.

Just stopping in from the 20sb "We Love Comments" site :)

Happy New Year!

the.lifestyle.artist

5.0 - just use you're imagination... thats what us ladies do best ;)

Amanda - thanks for stopping by. Will head over your way to return the favour!

Rubby

well said once again Lisa

i remeber 2 months back telling you on MSN-IM (rirhandzu) about the confession of an inferdility while at the hight of the relationship i thought was it - the only relationship out there for me. one that brought me joy and contention coupled with a best friend and great memories.

well it has been two months now and i kid you not but the one thing that has helped me redefine sanity in my world again was being able to forgive him through helping him try put his life back together. it all turned out to be major drama and the man was left with no one and got all suicidel. i reached out and i allowd him to lean on me. best healing and i believe it came through forgiveness.

ask me what forgiveness is and i will show it to you - scares and all.

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