Jan 16, 2011

Should girls approach and ask a guy out?

While trawling the web for material i cam across this guy who hosts female boot camps or female pick up weekends. I actually didn't knew they existed!

http://www.gettheguy.co.uk/womens-weekend

The whole weekend is aimed at teaching women how to meet, flirt and attract men and how to date. Its also totally in the field. I've been on some of the ones for guys (lovesystems.com) and i've sometimes talked with guy instructors about a market for female lessons, but the general view is its a waste of time - 1) women don't need to pay to meet guys, they can date a guy if they want 2) men say they want a girl to make the first move, but in reality men need to 3) its easier to teach men to pickup as women are after relationships and men are after sex.

Now I used to be a big fan of approaching guys and making the first move. Once i'd gotten over my fear of rejection, it was easy to bite the bullet and just do it. What else did you have to lose? Of course i wouldn't walk right up to a guy and ask him out... that's way too direct. Men like to think they thought of it first. I'd just sashay up and introduce myself and ask a question or start a conversation. If he showed interest then i'd flirt a bit more, look into his eyes, smile, touch his upper arm... and if he didn't i'd have a get out clause waiting in the form of a friend or already have excused myself.

Its usually a 50/50 chance that he'd be interested and we'd swap numbers. Better odds than when guy approaches a girl, but on reflection, of all the guys i managed to successfully approach and get a date with, i've never had anything more with them than that. After trying it for two years as my strategy for dating, i can say that the pua guy instructors were right:

1) women don't need to pay to meet guys, they can date a guy if they want - Matthew Hussey the guy hosting the 'womens weekends' says that women are always saying they 'never meet guys'. Now that's not true. We do meet guys, we are harassed by men wanting to marry/date/sleep with us all the time, just not the guys we like or a guy we can see ourselves settling with. Women are more fussier than men. Its not about his looks. Its about the package. Where as men its all about the looks. If you don't appeal to guys physically he isn't going to date you. Teaching women how to flirt and approach men in street/club/library/bars may not change that, but lowering our standards might.

2) men say they want a girl to make the first move, but in reality men need to - its all about the chase and men are more likely to believe a girl worthy of the chase if he had to do all the work in the first place. Men need to feel like they are the 'hunter' in this game otherwise you run the risk of emasculating him from the start. Im the same, i prefer a guy to make the first move. call me old fashioned but shy guys turn me off. and if i can ask a guy out... then i have no respect for a guy who can't ask me out.

3) its easier to teach men to pickup as men are just after sex, while women are after relationships - yes men are a little more easier to please. Hence why there are so many successful 'how to meet and date women' sites/communities out there. They teach a guy how to widen their nets and polish their exterior enough that they appeal to women in the short-term. Their end goal is meet, attract, comfort, control and sleep with the girl. Women on the other hand need to learn different skills if its a guy they need to attract, date and keep! For one thing they need to meet men in different places to where guys can meet girls because the end goal is different. That rules out bars and clubs making approaching harder. They can't set the scene and have a fave club where they know the bar staff and all the guys there are all over here. That would put too many guys off. They can't talk about themselves all the the time and be entertaining, women need to learn to compliment, ask questions and listen, but that means the guy has to be interesting or you'll be talking about football all night. They need to totally change the way they handle men and get rid of any bad habits they might have in how they deal with emotions and not think in a negative, overly analytical manner at every text/call/or date...

So in summary, should a girl approach and ask a guy out? i think its good women get over their insecurities and try it a few times, but i don't think women should think that its the holy grail to their dating problems. I'm a big believer in working on yourself, your interests and your life will be a better investment. Being independent and not needing a guy is still the biggest attraction we have as well as our looks.

And i'm more inclined to prefer the more subtle method of getting a guy to ask you out that i've developed that always seems to work - how i got my last two boyfriends ;) Lets just say for now that its all in the eyes...

6 comments:

Juz

I just stumbled onto your blog and I'm glad I did.
Well said lady.
Cool blog - keep doing what you're doing - it's working.
sunny regards,
Juz

E

I think it's as fine as a guy asking a girl out. heck, if a girl likes a guy and wants to get to know him more, I'd say: go for it girl. take charge! :)

the.lifestyle.artist

Juz - thanks! its actually been a while since i posted (love life got in the way eek!) your comments really make it worthwhile :)

E - lol yeah it serves a purpose. i think more girls ahould try it at least for a few months when they get a dry spell.... just for the hell of it! ;)

Becky Miller

My Husband divorce me for no reason, this is how i get him back today because i really love him so much,I'm very excited sharing this amazing testimony, My name is Becky Miller, from USA a banker by Profession. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelldrbrave.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Brave ,{ bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Brave, i will always be testifying about your good work, and for any questions call me on +1(575) 779-6197.

Becky Miller

My Husband divorce me for no reason, this is how i get him back today because i really love him so much,I'm very excited sharing this amazing testimony, My name is Becky Miller, from USA a banker by Profession. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelldrbrave.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Brave ,{ bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Brave, i will always be testifying about your good work, and for any questions call me on +1(575) 779-6197.

Jon

If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

And even begging to be with you.

Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

Thanks again.








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