Dec 27, 2010

The saying goes "Men Commit When They Are Ready"... is this true?


I was once told that "Women commit when they find 'The One, but Men commit when they are good and ready, no matter who they are with at that time." I never paid much attention to the meaning. To be honest at the time i was 21 and in an amazing relationship with a guy i really cared about. I'd met 'The One' and so had he.... case closed.

Now... years later i'm a little older, wiser and dating men in their 30s who are happy to retire their 'cheesy pick-up lines' and 'casual fun' in place of something a bit more permanent, like a 'wife'! I can now spot them a mile a way. They have that look in their eye like their assessing a horse for a race. Can she endure to the last mile, does she have good breeding, will she help or hinder my goals.

Case Open?

These men are 'ready' to settle, no bones about it. And first dates are no longer a mesh of irresponsible drinking, dancing in the water fountain, eating bad take-away food and then running for the bus at 6am giggling in each others arms. First dates are now like appointments or interviews, with 2 hour slots and a responsible glass of wine in a cosy pub while swapping highlights of achievements and experiences, then ending with a polite kiss before going home to be in bed for a respectable 11pm turn in.

Its kinda freaking me out. I mean i've been wondering when things would give and guys would start pushing for more while i hung back dragged my heels, but this is beyond what i expected. I've spent all of my 20s running around after guys i've fallen for, trying to make them love me back, and now im the one who is being chased. The worst thing is its not with any flair or passion, their chasing is logical and methodical and just plain boring.

Its not that they aren't attractive. Don't get me wrong, 'Northern Boy' is really cute with a very nice body, and kisses that almost leave bruises. And 'Mr Mars' has these sexy liquid brown eyes and hot Latino looks that can melt me at 100 paces... but they are not 'The One' for me. I know im fussy but it isn't all about looks. The important things to me are missing, like ambition, humor etc . And that leads me back to the first line of this post "Women settle when they meet 'The One'. I now believe this to be true. The only times i've ever considered settling was when i was in a relationship with a guy that had similar interests and direction to me (as well as being hot of course).

Men on the other hand... the amount of times my male friends have said to me that they regret losing 'that girl', or an ex has called me out of the blue saying he made a mistake when he left me. It seems they are 'ready' to settle but sadly there's not a decent girl to be found, so they dredge up the past and their phone book and start trying to rekindle old flames. One guy text me recently after 3 years! Another wouldn't leave me alone, after i accidentally bumped into him in the street, until i started ignoring his phone calls, and even that took months. Somehow this happens less with women? (And that leads me to wonder why is ok for a guy to hound a girl to death and not ok for a girl - she just becomes a crazy stalker? Maybe thats a question for another post?)

So now im 30, enjoying a new-age of adult dating with men who hand you their CV when you walk through the door, can i finally endorse that saying? Are there more guys in their 30s ready to settle than not? OR have i just gotten wiser to the 'players' and the 'gamers' out there know how to avoid them?

Not sure yet... will keep you posted!

Lx

6 comments:

Erich vonFlörcke

Men who are eager to commit have issues that you haven't found yet. In today's world with so many liabilities, options and so much to learn about life and having a life; its a prudent move to not commit until one is very very sure and that can take years.

Me

I think guys are also looking for "the one" but there are definitely factors that will hold them back from wanting to commit such as having a bunch of bachelor-for-life party-all-the-time type friends that they're happy to fit in with. My most recent ex still hasn't grown out of that even at 33.

the.lifestyle.artist

Erich - yep i didn't say these commitment happy guys are sane. they definitely have issues. Its just weird to suddenly have a bunch of them knocking at my door, telling me they want to settle. I think that got me wondering why. its not about being learning life and then settling once you've done all that. i can see why men view the world this way. it makes sense...
in my experience most women (not all) follow logic or sense, most are ready to commit when they fall in love. simple as that. maybe thats the emotional heart ruling the logic head but it happens more often that it does with guys...

me - yep, i agree it is about the friends/environment as well. do u live in the city? i find country lads a bit more homely. oh i feel another post coming on!

the.lifestyle.artist

i meant "most women do not follow logic or sense"

Me

I live in a suburb sized/feel of a town but its actually a college town surrounded by nothing so there's a mixture even after college of people (like myself) who have stuck around. For most of these guys breaking out of the college habits is even harder when they're so close to it, like my current bf who just recently cared to be a relationship when the last of his college buddies finally moved away! (Oh, and turned 30 it's like that number is magic or something.) I'll probably not get too much of the "one who got away" BS since one is with a gf I suspect he'll marry and another was dumped my me, the last we already talked about.

the.lifestyle.artist

Me - yes i think friends are the influence for many guys who live like they are still at college. Although i just read an article from a guys pov saying he felt emasculated by women who don't need men anymore so he can just go on being a kid! not sure if i agree with this or not lol

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