I think i belong to the population of girls that finds a guy with a talent a turn-on. Theres something about his dedication and time spent learning to hone that skill to perfection, a skill that serves no purpose other than it looks hot. It shows he has passion and heart & soul, and is motivated enough to get off his lazy ass and make something of himself.
The guitar is one of my favourites. But he has to be good. He has to be able to play more than a dozen tunes and not just repeat the same old song over and over again.It speaks to me in volumes if he has actually spent so much time 'getting good' that he has a certain 'spark' when it comes to self-respect. That self respect translates into confidence as a man. Someone i can admire, as anything i can't do automatically gets my respect.
This also seems true of things i can do. I mean if i can do it so can he. If not?... i rapidly lose interest.
I love a man who i can rely on to change a tyre for example. I can do this if i have to, but when faced with the possibility of aligning myself with a guy who struggles with these manly tasks... he's lost me. A friend of mine recently introduced her boyfriend. For sure he was four years younger than her but his lack of dominance or leadership made me cringe. He shied away from any responsibility all night and left me to make all the decisions. Now i don't mind being the alpha of the group - doing the tasks such as finding us a place to eat/drink, talking for the group in situations that called for it, paying for the group, looking after those who have drank too much or lost things... i have no problem being that girl. I do have a problem when a man prefers to let me be that girl because he doesn't have the balls himself. I'm not sure where these men come from but towards the end of the night, when she was fussing over him and hen-pecking him from afar.... i felt sorry for her.
A man should be a man and step up and play his role. I'm not saying women should always be the 'fairer' sex and have guys open doors or pay for dinner. I mean if any guy tries to tell me what to do i'm stubborn enough to do the opposite. But what i i'm saying is for a guy to be more attractive to a girl, he has to have that 'confidence' in himself to be dominant if the situation calls for it. I like a guy i can rely on to be my equal, and take the bull by the horns if i need him to. I don't want a puppy dog at my heels following me around a supermarket with a blank look on his face. Oi mister we need food. Thats why we're in here?
Maybe you think i'm expecting too much, or i'm asking for the impossible. I would have said that was true after one of my ex boyfriends used to call me when i was out with friends to come home and make him dinner because he didn't know how and was hungry! (yes its true!). For some reason i thought that all guys became four year old kids who need looking after when the relationship turns old. Now?
I believe that there are two reasons for a girl becoming a mother instead of a lover:
1) The guy is totally lacking in self-assurance and doesn't like to take on responsibility. It's obvious from the start as he'll be unable to make decisions and agrees to nearly everything you ask him to do and having a debate with him is frustrating as he seems to have no opinions. You feel control so you are in control. He has little talent for any of his many interests so no passion. He sits back an watches you do the hard-work (call the cab, order the drinks etc) or seeks your approval before he does them. Unless you like being a mother-hen, i suggest make it clear you won't be his.
2) The girl turns a perfectly capable guy into a baby who needs constant attention, approval and looking after. This is easily done when the girl takes it on herself to do all the things he should be doing because she wants to please him and make him happy and because its what she herself would want from him (we always treat others how we wish to be treated even if they don't). Or she becomes a nag, so much so that he stops out of frustration for never being 'good enough' or she is just too 'hard to please'.
In both situations the guy has lost his 'drive' or 'spark'. His energy is passive and laid-back. He isn't engaging or interested. And the biggest clue? his guitar, if he has one, is probably collecting dust....