Jun 1, 2009

Inside the mind of a guy.... "why getting the girl is the most fun part of dating"


Oh yes. Meet Jamie Bamber ladies.... *sigh*.  He is one of the reasons i watch Battlestar Galactica. As well as it being an addictive storyline ;) 

And back to the reality. So last night i was reading Ocean Dreamer's blog (fantastic and insightful read btw) and her post about 'love' in tv shows being like real-life got me thinking about the differences between men and women (@ 8am in the morning i might add when i should be getting ready for work! i have a problem. maybe i should seek help?). 

It strikes me that for most women the objective of dating - a committed relationship - is the most important aspect of all. It the thing they get out of bed for, style their hair, dress provocatively, and flirt like its going out of fashion with any guy that will show her attention. The guy, if he passes some kind of test with her, just dangles the carrot of of something akin to that 'destination' in the future and oops she's already his. 

But men don't want a get a freebie or a handout. Men are competitive. They love sports like racing and play computer games where they skill up. They like to fix things and get good at certain talents like playing guitar. They love to pursue. And while us women won't understand why, it doesn't mean this is type of 'game' doesn't get him excited and the most fun part of the relationship is' the journey to the destination'.  In other words, when tv show & movie couples get to together it's not until the very end that they do. The rest of the time its a whole 'will they? won't they?' hook that keeps you coming back for more. The guys that write these dramas know that once we get that happy ending, they'll be losing half their audience. And even if us girls are sitting their rooting for their favourite couple to 'get together already!' and live happily ever after... you can so be sure that a guy will think differently (i've never seen a guy in a tv show forum whining that such and such should be married already. think about it. its true.)

So the key to understanding how a man wants to win the girl? Not the easy way. It has to be hard. You have to be a challenge. He wants to know that he has 'earned' the right to call you his girlfriend. Turn the tables.... you keep the carrot dangling for once. But don't let him lose every time. Play nice. Let him win a few rounds and then once the feeling of victory is in his blood. Once the hunt is on. He'll be begging for more. And just when he thinks he's losing.... he'll fight even harder to win. And then once he has you, once he finally gets his trophy, he can brag about it to his boyfriends. But no guy will brag if the trophy was just given to him. Theres no challenge or struggle in that. I'm reminded of something i read once "the women is the jewel. the man provides the setting". Just remember to let him do all the hard work cutting the diamond, and crafting the metal first ;)

Funny thing is, once they guy is 'banging on your door with a bunch of roses'.... you may just not want him anymore. Attraction is a strange thing, and its true we always want what we can't have. Even us ladies...


8 comments:

OceanDreams

Thank you so much for mentioning me on your blog. That was so thoughtful of you and I'm so glad that I got you thinking! You know, a lot of what you are tackling and discussing in your blog is what I thought about (still do) when I was getting my education in Communications, emphasis in interpersonal relationships. What you said in this post is so true as well! Guys do need a challenge, even though it bugs the heck out of us girls. Occasionally I catch myself being dissatisfied and needing a challenge myself, ironically. My boyfriend now is so stable and there is no chaos and confusion. My ex was just the opposite. I always felt like when he had me he didn't want me, and when he didn't have me, he wanted me. Now I feel like my ex and the tables have been turned. I want my boyfriend when he doesn't want me. But when he is consistent (which is all of the time and that's ok) it kind of freaks me out. Maybe I am learning the meaning of commitment? Ha ha, I have been training my mind that consistency is okay and that I don't have to be the "guy" in the relationship, or even the girl, if that makes sense. I think guys definitely need a challenge, but I think girls often do too. As long as a couple are keeping things fresh and there is a fine balance, that is the key. I would rather have commitment any day over someone who "dangles the carrot," as you said. But...are we ever satisfied? Can a girl or a guy ever tame their wild nature? I'm not sure, but I think maturity and aging has a lot to do with it. Okay, enough thoughts for the day. Thanks for your blog entry! :)

ZiLliOnBiG

i confirm it, thats pretty much inside a guys mind. but of course their are exceptions, like me for instance. Cheers

Krysten & Dustin Hartenstein

Just ventured over from 20SB and thought I'd say hi! Hope you have a great day!

TudorCity Girl

Yes, it is true most of us love what we can't have...but then when we get it...Well...
I understand what you're saying, but would you say this is 'playing games'? I don't believe in being too available to a guy the first few months but don't you have to show some interest? Again, I am the most confused girl dating probably in NYC, so I'm not good at this game.
Thank you for the wonderful eye candy- I think I will watch that show now too!
LOVE your blog!

OceanDreams

Hey darlin! I tagged you and gave you an award. If you have time you'll have to fill out the questions! Have a wonderful week.

Lisa

Newbie dropping by from 20sb!

haha I totaallly think about this all the time. It's weird, i'm like a guy in that way since I always am looking for a challenge. It's a terrible curse really... I get bored soo easily with guys who actually like and care about me, and somehow always end up chasing after the assholes :/

the.lifestyle.artist

OD - no probs. i love reading ur blog. Its so positive. makes a change! i find it very hard to keep interested in negative/whiny blogs and its unusual to find a girl who doesn't give in to that side of everything ;) refreshing!

oh thx for the award!!

Zili - cool. yo umust be very emotionally mature for a guy then if you don't need that kind of stimulation to keep u interested!

Krysten - thx for dropping by ;)

TCG - its not about playing games. Its about getting a guy's respect. Of course you have to show some interest. But making it easy for a guy to keep your interest is 1) a turn off and 2) tells him you are not selective in who u give ur attentions too. The thing going through anyone's mind when a 'date' acts over enthusiastic is "they don't know me. are they just showing their best behaviour to win me over? then this can't be real. and do they think i'm somthing i'm not. I'm no angel."

The key is to make a guy 'earn' your attention by treating as you expect & want to be treated. Settling for anything else sends a message that you have low self-worth. You can always lower the bar later when u are 'in-love' but right now you can't exepct either of you to be there emotionally so acting that way sells you short. ping me if u wanna chat more?

Lisa - cool hey nice to meet you. can i ask you why you chase assholes? if anyone was going to chase me would be a guy and i would not tolerate an asshole lol ;) also why not get the guy you like and want to chase you?

Alex.

Im not too sure about all this. A lot of this is familiar, and personally, I love being able to prove to myself just how awesome I am by going out and bringing in the most attractive woman I could find, ;)

if and when I find that a girl i've chosen is lacking something, has lost her spark, her elusiveness, her enigmatic qualities, or her will to make me struggle a bit to get what I want out of her (no, im not referring to sex), I tend to end up being the one giving out the challenges, hoping that she will step up and meet them with her own. I love provoking ladies to poke me hard ;)

as for a comitted relationship... That's important aswell, for guys, not just girls? Even if a woman should challenge me, I still want someone I can rely on, someone I can hug, and get a hug from in return, and someone that wants me, and only me, the same way I only want her, and nobody else.

- Alex.

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