No i'm not losing interest.... i promise that is not the case. Work is taking over my life to the extent that i've no soul left when i finally manage to pry my tired self away from my desk and go home. Yes go home... thats all i've been doing (if you can ignore my birthday weekend just gone that is) most of the time my life is spent staring blankly at my dinner while i cook and eat it. I don't even have inspiration to watch a movie. I feel empty and constantly tired. I have even started to hate my laptop and everything digital. I think i need a holiday....
And so what little energy i have tonight i'm going to focus on how you can turn around your life if you feel like i do right now.... dead inside.
Now this is not depression, although i think a few more months of this and i will be thinking of jumping off some very high buildings just for the rush.
I'm normally a positive person and i don't entertain stress or anxious emotions, but when you are drained of life like me right now... its hard to snap out of it. A never ending spiral of "numbness" emerges. The spark inside has gone and its not because i'm down or unhappy or upset. Its because i'm over-worked. There is a lot riding on my ability to pull this off. And i will of course. Nothing can stop me achieving my goals....
But, i need a break. And this is true for anything in life, like work, your living situation, your relationship, your social life, your art.... right?
As a result of needing a break from work, i've subsequently taken a break from everything else in life BUT work. I have no desire to shop, eat, play, date, write, plan.... I just want to sit and do nothing that requires too much effort or thought.
This got me thinking. Why when one aspect of our life takes over and tips the balance do we let it? and why do we sacrifice the things we love that give us energy and passion, for the one thing that takes it all away? I'm reminded of a story from my favourite author paulo coelho about a guy that only feels his life is worth something if he is important & busy. We all do it. We complain we have too much to do yet we pile on the work and demands with a certain pride. We like to be active. Feel needed. Yet how much of this is ego wanting to feel that the world has a place for us?
Usually i create & savour lots of 'me' time...
I have time to sort out my music to listen to on the way to work, to walk slowly enjoying the moment, to have time to look and absorb things i usually filter out.... then i truly wake up and have enough energy to ask ppl around me how they are. The simple act of being interested causes a brief connection and that makes both of us happy to be working together. We then have less to stress about and more to laugh about. Later i stop and take time for lunch and enjoy it with someone i love spending time with. And in the afternoon i allow 5 minutes each hour to email and ask someone how they are, arrange nights out and events, giving myself something to look forward to. And a 5.30pm i'm out the door rushing to meet friends, dance, have fun, flirt and actually live my life.
So on reflection? Do we always need a long holiday to break up life? or can this be achieved by enjoying quality 'me' time throughout the day?
I've never actually felt i needed to get away until now, but i think thats because my 'me' time has dried up and gone. And if i did go away on a long tropical holiday.... everything would be waiting when i got back and thats when the 'holiday blues' kicks in. Trips abroad should be the result of a fantastic lifestyle, not the remedy to a crappy boring one. By making 'life' more like a 'never-ending holiday' you engage in a lifestyle which never loses its value. It feels good and looks good and you tell ppl how good it is. This is attractive. Not just for the things you want, but for bringing into your world people who have the same attitude. Like attracts like and energy builds (physics) .... the city you live in becomes amazing (tourists do visit you know) ..... you meet an amazing bunch of people... get to do the coolest things.... and then write or tell vivid stories about it ;) and all in all the best thing? your life is what you made it. No one else...
And the dating/relationship advice in this post? (well there has to be some)
Well if you need a break i would say you and/or your partner are too focused on one, usually negative, aspect of your love life. Taking a break can be good, as usually the 'missing each other' period can build up attraction again. Going on holiday together can bring a breath of fresh air. But at the end of the day. The problems don't go away. Habits are hard to break and if you are in a rut, most possibly... you will be in a rut again. So what to do? Well change habits slowly but surely. A friend quoted Einstein to me the other day that "Insanity was doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results". So try not to be insane ;) Maybe look for small ways to appreciate each other. Take quality 'dating' time and plan things to look forward to. Communicate small meaningless messages over the course of the day. Do new things together that you;ve never done before. Meet/make new friends. Entertain others at your place. Be spontaneous. Inspire creativity. Put in the effort to make your relationship one long, long honey-moon period.
And realise, sometimes.... there is just no room left for 'what should be', 'what they didn't do', and 'what you need'. All you have is now.