Meet Penn Badgley.... ummmmm. He's very hot. Blake is a lucky girl ;)
And where was i? Oh yes, so lately i've been wondering if it could ever work. The whole 'lets just be friends' thing. I can see it happening very firmly when at least one of the couple is not attracted to the other. Usually its the girl. We have this ability to switch off our 'desires' by way of a positive feedback mechanism. The less we get the less we want (and the opposite is true too) Makes it easy to become celibate, should you ever want to do that (and i have for a whole year, and it was not that hard actually).
But what if the two of you are still really, really attracted to each other, I mean clothes ripping, hair pulling, omg i can't stand the sexual tension kinda attraction? Hmmm ok imagine the scene. You're cool friends, you get on really well, you used to have a thing but now its over, you still hang out and still actually like hanging out. There are moments when it feels right... his hand on your waist, the lingering kiss on the cheek, the drunken flirting when you're together that gets everyone confused, even the both of you. What is with that?
I remember seeing my long term ex for a catch up drink one night and the it amazed me, that after 6 months of not seeing or talking to each other, the attraction we had was still red hot. The connection was always amazing with him, and maybe thats why it hurt so much for me to learn to let it go. How did i deal with it? Well i cut him out of my life. Being that attracted to someone i didn't want to be with was frustrating and it ruined any type of friendship we were trying to cultivate. Friends don't kiss... end of.
I think its harder once you have known someone intimately. Especially for a girl. Our desires grow with comfort and familiarity. If we have been there before, it feels so right the next time that its hard to restrain yourself. Your body innately responds to his without your consent. You remember how it felt when he kissed you last, when he touched you...
Compare that to a guy you've never let anywhere near your bed - you have nothing to draw on to fuel the fire. Its like starting from scratch in my experience. Even if you are majorly attracted, the 'devil you know' is always more of an allure.
And in both cases... too much attraction is exactly what it is, although in my book its harder to go back to friendship once you have been a little more.
So where do you draw the line? Well i'm loathe to remove anyone from my life who i actually like, no matter how much i hate the fact they make my knees weak at the slightest touch. And i think an unplanned drunken kiss between two ex-lovers is nothing to be shy about. I love kissing but not with just anyone, and who better to kiss than someone who does it well and knows my body as well as i do? And after that, i'm resolute enough to say no and mean it.
And friendship? Well i used to be able to say yes, you can still be friends. In all those cases though, i found the guy became less attractive to me once we ended things (because i ended things). Except for my long-term ex, who turned me 180 degrees when i realised no you can't remain friends, because you had never been friends in the first place... and if there is still attraction, there is still something.
So in all honest truth? I'm not sure. The only thing i can say is if you can, kill the attraction you have for them. Which is easier said than done:
1) Spend less time with them. Out of sight, out of mind. Remove temptation if just for short while until your body forgets. Although i'm not sure if your body ever forgets. Just when i think its ok to test the water, i'm back to square one. On some level your body must become sensitised to the chemicals of the other person and all it takes is one moment alone and you're lost.
2) Imagine that they are gay/straight or just not available? I have this thing in my head where i place a guy into a 'friend-zone' box. It works better when they are not around though to mess things up.
3) Find a distraction. This is the only cure i know that works. Go out and start dating. I find as soon as i'm all smitten with another guy, i've lost attraction for the 'friend'.
And as for the answer to my question. I'll let you know...