May 25, 2009

"Movie Moment Kisses"... the 'spark' between two lovers, or just an acquired skill??

According to an article in Scientific American kissing conveys important information about the status and future of a relationship. The chemical & neurone messages triggered through the simple act of 'touching lips' releases an overload of emotional feelings, including sexual excitement, closeness, motivation & euphoria. 

Now on some level i think i already knew this ;) 

Kissing for me is the ultimate test. If he passes... there's not a lot i can do. I'm emotionally and physically hooked. Even if my mind says no, i just can't resist. Kissing for me in a relationship is like breathing. I will not date a guy if our kisses are far from fireworks. I just can't see how we would connect physically. Kissing is part of sex. So for the rest of it to be good... the warm up has to get my toes curling at least. It tells me if i'm attracted enough to a guy to be able to enjoy sleeping with him. And without that there is no relationship, just very good friendship.

The article supports my own theory that kisses between certain individuals are unique and while you might rate a kiss with one guy as a 10, a kiss with someone else would not release the same electric cocktail of hormones for her that give you that "movie moment rush". And it works both ways. They guy doing the kissing would feel the 'spark' with you more than her. Think of of your basic 'lock & key' analogy... you need to find the right key to fit your lock to unleash your emotions.

But can you learn to be the key that fits all? 

Well i've always been told i'm a good kisser. I tend to go slow and mirror his moves. But if he is a bad kisser i find my jaw aches from trying to slow him down or get his tongue out of my mouth.... So me being a good kisser on my own does not equal a movie moment kiss. It doesn't matter what skills i have or how good i am... he has to at least be equal in skill in that department. 

But even if he does know what he is doing... there are times i've gotten bored and started thinking of my shopping list for tomorrow. There was just no spark.

So what was missing?

Some of best, sparks included, have been in that moment when time stops, the world melts away, and nothing exists but the smell of his skin, the taste of his lips, and the feeling of a kiss that takes your breath away. I can't process any thoughts at a time like that. I'm not even aware of who i am. So If you have time to think of your technique then its not a "movie moment kiss". And if you've never had a kiss like that... then you so don't know what you're missing.

Scientifically we seek someone who is genetically compatible with us. Pheromones play a big part in animals sensing this genetic compatibility, hence the reason why certain 'pheromones' can appeal more to us than others. Findings have suggested that we sense pheromones with our nose. So its not just the kiss itself releasing chemicals, but also the smell of skin. And when we kiss, its pretty hard not to get close enough to become intoxicated with each other's unique chemical make-up, though only if it matches ours. Then we literally become addicted to each other. Nature's way of ensuring survival of the species.

Interestingly the article mentions that for females, oxytocin (the love drug) does not automatically increase as a result of kissing as it does for male. This suggests that girls need more than just a kiss to feel an emotional connection or get sexually excited. This is probably the reason why more than just a kiss for me is so important, and why i look for that connection or spark. It seems women use kissing to assess the level of emotional commitment as well, while men mainly use it to assess only the level of sexual intimacy. In a biological sense... a kiss for me tells me if a guy is likely to stick around, while a guy will use it to tell if you're willing to sleep with him. Good to know!

In a nutshell? For both sexes we need the right mix of pheromones to start off with. And for us girls, the mood and the escalation to the kiss is just as important as how you kiss. So if you're a straight guy you'd need to have more going for you than actual technique or you might just be giving the 'kiss of death' to your relationship every time you lean in to lock lips with your girl...



there have definitely been times when i've kissed a guy and there has been no spark at alll. then there's the kiss that send sparks down to my toes.

haha but it's soo funny because the one time when a kiss with no spark lasted longer than i wanted it to, i went over my to-do list for the next day ha

same. i start to think about what i have to do the next day or think of ways to change the topic to like drinking or something lol ;)

for me if he can't kiss or the kiss is a non-event. i'm gone!

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