Sep 27, 2009

House hunting is like dating... well sort of

I've been searching high and low for the past couple of months looking for the perfect flat in the perfect location that doesn't cost the earth. And i'm still looking...

It struck me that while this search is certainly stressful, its almost like dating: at first you're so excited about the prospect of looking around for something new, taking your own sweet time about it, enjoying the ride. Later you start to lose hope that you'll ever find anything you could see a future with, theres always one thing missing, or something just not quite right, or all the good ones are already taken. And finally you start to compromise on your expectations, taking them down a notch or two or giving up on a few essentials and settling for a place that is more comfortable than dazzling. At the end of the day you have to live there for a pretty long time, so as long as your basic needs are met, you'll probably still be happy? right?

I'm not sure, as i say i still haven't found anywhere! And as for dating, i'm learning an important lesson in the art of 'letting go', as the worst part of committing even a tiny bit towards something that has the potential to be great, is realising it will never be exactly how you want. When this happens, you just have to take a deep breath and get on with your life.

I've always believed that better things are always around the corner, and life proves me right time and time again. Every flat i've seen so far is better than the last. I'm actually getting good at sizing up the property just from the online ad. In seconds i know if its worth seeing or not. I even know what questions to ask and what is a show stopper for me. Funny that i have to go back to dating, i wonder if i'm still astute enough to 'know' if a guy is worth a couple of hours of my time or will i just want to climb out the bathroom window in the restaurant after a few hours like i have done in the past?

Here are a few of my showstoppers i've gathered over the years, and any guy that retains these lovely qualities automatically gets rejection:

- He gets smutty or rude straight away before i've even kissed him (automatic turn off!)
- He smokes or does drugs (i've dated both but its not something i want to do ever again)
- He assumes i will sleep with him and makes an issue of it (yes these guys still exist)
- He has little or no confidence in himself and i have to lead all the time (I want a white knight, not a wet blanket)
- He puts me down or teases in a negative way in order to make himself feel superior and in control
- He has no drive or ambition

Looking at these you may think, but surely they go without saying? However i think it takes a while for these kind of traits to filter through as an automatic 'no' to a girl. I've been guilty of knowing these guy are bad news, but i would still entertain them by allowing them to harass me. I used to call it 'being nice' but really its all about your ego enjoying the 'unwanted' attention. You don't have to reply to every text message or email you get or answer if he calls. Any little encouragement, even just being polite, is a red flag to a bull. Maybe its not nice to ignore a guy but for my own sanity i've had to become ruthless - and even if he seems cool, i take his number just in case i change my mind, otherwise like with house hunting..... i'd spend all my time filtering the rejects, and not enough time on the things/people that truly matter.


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