Seeing the Matrix...

When i tell people i live in the Matrix they usually just laugh... sounds strange but for me its as simple as 'observing' the world around you. It's pure quantum mechanics.

I call myself 'the lifestyle artist' because that is what i do. I create/design my lifestyle, the way i live my life, on a daily basis. It can be as simple as making a choice or as complex as understanding how events will manifest based on the concept of string-theory derived from quantum physics. In short? I create my own reality. 

If you've ever read 'the secret' or the 'law of attraction' the idea and process is similar. However i'm a scientist at heart and i love to find explanations on a physical level, mostly to satisfy the geek in me. I also like to be able to relate my beliefs to all fields of study. 

Like a twig floating down a twisting river... i try not to get caught up in the reeds or bank of one school of thought, like others do, as this will not lead to the bigger ocean of truth at the end. I research everything and as result i take what i need and fit it together like a puzzle... as almost anything ever written or documented is one part of the whole, though it may have been misinterpreted along the way. You've heard the story of the blind men and the elephant right? Well... i try not to let my disability (human inclination to close off to many ideas/theories/faiths) affect my judgment. I try to remain open enough to see the truth and accept it if it fits in to my reality.

So what is String Theory?

Well in a basic, basic sense... string (or M) theory says all sub-atomic particles have the possibility of 'many' states. e.g. like a string on a violin capable of having different notes in a piece of music. The 'preferred' state of the particle only becomes apparent when it is 'observed'. This theory is the basis for the 'many-worlds' theory or the 'parallel universes'. If this is true, and a lot of research supports this theory* as it fits neatly along side many of rules governing physics that we know of today, including Newton's Law of Gravity, Einstein's Theory of Relativity & GUT (grand unified theory), then the world is not a stage with the script already written, nor is it a world with no script... it is a world where the observer makes the choice and they write the script (though many do it without realising).

 In many studies i have come across, we are those 'observers'. It then stands to reason that if a 'thought' or 'feeling' is energy (for in quantum physics we are all energy), then we the 'observers' can manipulate this energy to alter the preferred 'state' of sub-atomic particles and 'attract' those objects, events or people to us that vibrate at the same frequency. 

And so what do i mean by 'seeing' the Matrix? 

Imagine you are playing a one-person view video game. The rest of the world in the game doesn't render until you 'observe' it on the screen. Until then it can be anything, and only until then. In my life... the real world is like that, except that there are multi-players all rendering their own realities so that they merge and mesh together (which is why so much of the world is not to your preference because you share one canvas with many others). It also explains why when your preferred reality clashes with someone else... you feel uncomfortable in their presence and in their reality. And people who have a connection... well their realities are so in tune, that they are virtually in the same reality so they feel at home around them.

Creating reality happens whether you are conscious to it or not. Most people refuse to believe that they have the power to make changes in their own lives as this takes away their responsibility. The outcome is out of their hands. The way i see it... we are all responsible for the choices in our lives and we all have the power to make our lives match our dreams. 

The key is in the power of desire and the energy it has to change/attract the state of sub-atomic particles. The problem is that quantum physics is not good or bad. It is neutral. And so in many cases people attract negative events or people or they don't allow the positive into their lives. The power of belief is what holds people back from having a life they want. It is one thing to want a new job, but it is another to believe you deserve a new job or to know that you will get a new job. These beliefs... whether thoughts or feelings, create a world where whatever you believe, regardless of what you wish for, is true for you. 

If you see limits... you will have them, if you know the world has no limits... you will live in a world of abundance.

So how do i change my reality to suit my needs?

- by setting goals/desires in my creative journal

- visualizing the outcome or already imagining it exists

- creating a vision board so i'm reminded everyday of what i want

- allowing my beliefs to adapt and change with relative ease

- allowing my beliefs to happen by believing or feeling that they will

- not letting anyone else's reality or negative view impact on mine

- being open to all opportunities that may arise through my choices and desires

- appreciating everything in my life as they are a manifestation of what i created

- by pivoting/spinning all events that happen in my life into a positive outcome

To summarize... yes i see the Matrix because i see how my reality works. I desire something, i believe in getting it, i know i deserve it, i feel i already have it or it is on its way to me, and then i receive it and in turn appreciate it so that more comes my way. I bend reality to what i want it to be... and the way i do that starts with myself and my perception/beliefs and desires. Recording every creation helps me to focus on the fact that it works... and to help me appreciate what i have.  This in turn makes me a positive person with a hell of a lot going on! ;)

And from my fave quote from The Matrix...

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth. 

Neo: What truth? 
Spoon boy: There is no spoon. 
Neo: There is no spoon? 

Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

... I couldn't have put it any better.

* 'Parallel Worlds' by Michio Kaku & 'The fabric of the cosmos' by Brian Greene

Can you be friends with an ex?

It was his birthday last week. He turned 30. Its funny but I never think of him anymore. It was just a reminder on facebook that turned my attention to him... my long term ex. We aren't friends, though I tried for so long to make it so. But it didn't work out, and now if someone ever asks me do you think you can be friends with an ex. My answer is quite simply now is 'no'.

No you can't. Not if it was real.

I tried it once with the long term ex. I loved him too much to give him up totally, but it just held me back. You remain friends because you fear to let go, to lose them forever and part of you secretly hopes that by keeping the lines of communication open, you will find away back in to their heart.

I tried it once with my re-bound guy. I valued him too much as a friend to give up the connection we had, but it just caused us both more pain. You remain friends because that was how you started out and part of you secretly hopes that things will just go back to the way they were when he was your best friend.

The best advice I ever had in getting over relationships that have run their course was and is 'no contact'. I almost wish someone had told me sooner but they probably had, only I had to learn the lesson first hand myself to understand its value.

One day maybe you can be friends… but for both of you to move on you can't think of that 'one day'. No contact means no contact, and it starts out as a permanent state, which is the only way to be fair to yourself, to your ex…. 

And of course to the next guy in your life... whoever he is. I think he at least deserves that ;)

The habit of being happy...

Last night, after the theatre, I was sitting in Trash Palace, drinking lemonade of all things, with a friend who knows me better than most. 

'L' has seen my spoilt-brat-meangirls-on-campus era, sat wide-eyed and expectant through my early 20s love, work & play dramas, and most importantly she was there to hold my hand through the darker period of my life that started with a breakup and ended with a bleak, no-light-at-end-of-the-tunnel-depression. 

Yes... She has seen it all.

So it always halts me in my tracks when I sit back and realise just how far we have both come. I won't go into to her life story as it's personal to her, but I'm proud of her transformation... from when I knew her back then to who she is now. I don't think I tell her enough. Usually I'm naturally good at empathy, not so much sympathy (empathy is where you relate and sympathy is where you become), and last night I was neither... I focused on where I was and where i thought she should be (same place as me of course).. which was not the right way about it. 

Yes… I still have a lot to learn!

Still our discussion became deeper as we both relaxed into our roles around each other… both of us giving each other food for thought. One question in particular was brought up. What is happiness? L, ever the creative, described her 'happiness' as the colours, sights, smells and sounds, etc the sensory information we receive in order to 'feel' the emotion of being happy. The answer for me is an intuition... its something i just know, is now a way of life and relatively easy for me to find again, regardless of where I am and what I'm experiencing.

Does that mean that 'feel' good emotions become easier to have and more common the more we experience that state? And so is happiness just a habit anyone can develop?

Candice Pert in her book 'Molecules of Emotion' talks about the creation or re-formation of neuropathways that release certain chemicals that trigger a particular 'feeling' if they are accessed multiple times. The more they are 'accessed' the stronger the formation of the neuropathway that releases the chemical and so a 'feeling' can develop into habit and further more into an addiction. If this is so… how can we 'develop' this happy preferred state so becomes a natural one?

In my perception/reality, regardless of the life you have, place you are… happiness comes from within. It is your perception of the choices in life that you have made. In short its your spin on the situation that can make it a good or bad one. And the more you reach for the positive, the easier it will be next time round. For example… I've written this post twice. The first time I must admit my style was a lot more eloquent… but my laptop crashed and I lost the whole thing. It is easier for the me now to 'let it go' and re-write it again. After all the words came from me, I'm still here… so theres no rule to say I can't re-create from me again the next-time, if not better! I don't have the old draft to compare but I like to think so ;)

L hit the nail on the head when she talked about happiness being the senses, as it is a feeling we have, a state we are in… happiness is not from the mind, it is not a thought. Yet a happy sense or feeling can come from a thought, but only from a positive thought. And so the key to being happy lies in our perception, our reality and our beliefs that we live our life by everyday. They are the restrictions we box ourselves in by, the limits we invest in, the rules we entertain…. And these in turn can be defined by the society we live in, our parents and teachers, the social circles we blend to, and the information we process.

Richard Bach in his book 'Illusions' wrote "If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem."

Its taken a while to get here, but my happiness is not dependent on anyone else. I don't live in a reality defined by others. I try to keep my boundaries limitless. I make and follow my own rules. And when you only have yourself to blame, and you love & respect who you are and the choices you have made... how can you be frustrated/angry/upset with the life you have?

After everything I've been through, I can now honestly say 'I love my life and I am happy' even when its not all roses. I've developed good habits… I'm more 'accepting', I'm more 'content' with the moment, to just let it be… and to just 'be'.

Summed up? Stuart Wilde had it right when he said "Life was never meant to be a struggle…". I completely agree.

Life's little reminders #2...

 

Every month i travel up north for lectures. Last weekend, if i was honest, did not feel like a weekend for study. I did not want to go, even though i had pre-booked my train tickets, made arrangements with my family, and blocked the weekend out in my diary.

 

As it turns out. I lost my tickets.

 

I must have absently threw them out with the rubbish. And Virgin Trains, despite my pleadings with the sexy-accented Scottish guy on the phone (and how Virgin knew i had a weakness for a soft-lilted Edinburgh twang I'll never know), would not re-issue. New tickets £80 or please hang up.

 

Ok then. I would stay in London. That said, my weekend turned out to be pretty amazing.

 

The highlights...

 

Fri - chance meetings with friends x2... a masked Italian party... dancing til all hours of the morning

Sat - zipping through traffic to Richmond park to catch the sunset.... watching it in full glory while deeply immersed in conversation on spirituality philosophy & psychology with Guru M

Sun - running by the river while making a new friend... my new wii... one gorgeous guy in tight-wet jeans performing aerial ballet in a bathtub ;)

 

Life's little reminder...

 

You always get what you ask for.

 

or

 

Everything happens for a reason.

 

"I love you.... do you love me back?"

"Girlfriend.... i've never said that before. Even though it freaks me out. I quite like it."

I laughed when he said that. He was being sincere about this girl, his girlfriend. I asked him how he felt about her. We're good listeners us girls and i knew he would enjoy telling me.

"You know. She said she 'I love you' the other day and i said 'I love you too', but she didn't believe me and said she didn't 'feel' that was true." 

Nothing new when it comes to women. I could understand her reaction... she was feeling like she needed assurance/security. However without realising, as she was blinded by her own needs, her disbelief did one of two things: Firstly she had to question his response like he was lying to her and that in itself is an insult. How can you tell someone you love them then call them a liar in almost the same sentence? And secondly... she is choosing to believe that he doesn't love her which exposes her insecurity making her vulnerable and giving him control and also creating a reality she doesn't want but expects. All i know is if i guy did that to me. It would piss me off... and push me away at the same time. 

When i asked him what his response was, my friend was much more mature than that ;)

"Well looked into her eyes, smiled, and asked her to 'feel' again."

"and did she.... 'feel' it that time?"

He laughed. "why of course... because its the truth."

Life's little reminders #1...

While walking to work today i noticed my unobstructed view of the most ugly building in the world is now no more. There is now a billboard being erected just in front of it.

Even more ugly and now i can't take that photo i've been planning of the arc2 with sunrise hitting its 80's inspired tinted windows.

Life's little reminder...

Change is inevitable: don't take things for granted and expect them to always be so.

or

Seize the moment when it takes you... don't hesitate or lose it forever.

Did you miss me?

Last night, a friend, who i affectionately refer to as 'Guru M' these days, gave me a lift home after catching up with him for a drink. Didn't go to plan as he had to leave early. I guess he felt bad about that, hence the lift home...  which took him miles out of his way!?

 

For a young guy who is a walking 'Armani advert' its easy to like him. Yes. That's superficial. But a bit of eye candy is always welcome right ;) On another level, its hard not to adore someone who has a good heart... and has a depth to them that reminds you of an ocean you may need lifetimes to explore, never mind understand. Women can be spiritual, emotional and deep, but when you meet a guy with these traits, for me, its almost like finding an equal. So on the rare occasion i get the chance to talk with him... i can guarantee he will impart something new for me to ponder, and last night was no exception.

 

Walking to his car, I admit,  I was feeling a little drunk after only one glass... nothing new there then. And M, who reminds me of a Buddhist monk with a chill pill - Zen in the art of everything, especially managing drunk girls, steered me in the direction of his car.

 

I was far from graceful. I blamed the roads and my high heels. He laughed. He opened the car door. I enthusiastically offered to drive. He laughed. I tried to get us lost using my Google maps. I chatted on about things that you only find funny when slightly half-cut. He listened with an amused smile and a patient ear. After a while the conversation turned to deeper things:

 

Me: talking about positivity/ego etc...

Guru M: You are not at all like i thought. Well i never knew you, but I got the wrong impression about you, you know...before we started talking.

Me: Oh? well same here. I assumed you were different. What gave you that idea about me?

Guru M: Well from [mutual friend]. But you are very evolved.

Me: Well at the time when we first met, the guy i was with seemed to bring out the worst in me.

Guru M: oh?

Me: I wasn't happy with who i was when i was around him. Now i make sure i'm with someone who out brings out the best in me.

Guru M: That's very important. i think i only recently realised how important it is to be with someone who makes you a better person.

Me: I totally agree. I'm really grateful for the people in my life now.

Guru M: Same. My girlfriend in [far away country]. She brings out the best in me. I don't miss the late nights, the temptations...

Me: Temptations? Oh you mean women... ?

Guru M: *laughs* yes.

Me: Do you miss her? Your girlfriend?

Guru M: No. I know what it means to 'miss' someone and what to do to avoid it.

Me: What do you do?

Guru M: *laughs* You really want to know?

Me: Er...no. That's ok. *blush*  you can guess what i'm thinking here...

Guru M: What? HaHa.. No! Not like that. Do you know why you 'miss' someone?

Me: You miss someone because you are addicted to how they make you feel?

Guru M: Yes in a way. In reality your ego is only getting attention/energy from one source...

Me: and you should be getting it from other sources like yourself or from the positive events in life?

Guru M: Exactly. I don't 'miss' her because 'missing' is a negative emotion. Like when you 'miss' the train... that is something you didn't want to do. It takes away from you and drains you. When you miss someone you you are not really here, your thoughts and energy is with them wherever they are, but you can control that. I understand that my energy should be here... in the now. Being apart is not a negative thing. It is positive. You see what you would normally take for granted and appreciate it. How is that negative?

Me: Right. i think i understand.

Guru M: *smiles* You will.

 

I get home about 10.30pm. M watches me unlock the door and safely close it behind me. He drives away and I sit there wondering about how 'missing' someone is just another validation of your ego from a source other than yourself or the positive things in life. I always 'liked' missing my long-term ex bf when we were together and now i can see it was another form of addiction. I 'missed' how he made me feel.

 

And now? maybe i should practice 'missing' nothing. After all a 'missed' train is just a blessing in disguise.... so why not 'missing' a person? It gives you time to yourself away from their perspective, enough to find yourself again, and to fit in time for other commitments e.g. family, friends, work... without having to feel guilty.

 

Still i love it when someone misses me or should i say my ego does ;)

 

Will have to ask M how he handles that one....

When a guy says "Lets just be friends..."

Hands up who hasn't heard this one before? lol.... yeah us girls get it just as much as guys.

LJBF Translation: i want to keep you on a string just in case the situation/my feelings/you change enough to keep me interested....

In short, we all like to have an 'orbit' of admirers in our midst. Those we 'sorta' like but not enough to that we see stars and get tummy butterflies. Why? Well, we do it for our ego, for attention, to keep us 'warm' through those bleaker days when sexy guy no. 1 is just not available.

So when a guy turns the table and plays the 'LJBF Card' on you. How do you take it? 

In the past i would have probably called him 'confusing', called up my girls for a vent on how frustrating it was that he was keeping me at a distance when he blatantly fancied me. I would have continued to let him 'dangle' the carrot of 'something more' everytime i saw him.... feeding his ego and feeling 'useless' and 'unattractive' with the unspoken rejection he teased me with. 

I don't think i have to point out this is not the way to get the guy ;) In this situation he is in control and he knows it. And although you know he is attracted to you.... the problem is he knows he can have you as somehow that became clear through your past behaviour, the chase and/or your value lost its appeal to him and now he is holding back because he can. He is playing with you and at best you can just walk away right? Replace him with a guy who is nice and adores you and the ground you walk on, will delare his undying love for you, etc...

Nope. Boring. Theres a reason you're attracted to the 'game player' and not the 'nice guy'.

You can't have him. 

And in that is the key to getting him and keeping him interested!

1) Take a step back: change the rules in your favour. Make him understand it's you who is holding back on taking this forward. Never be further ahead emotionally/mentally in any relationship than the guy. He has to lead freely, not you dragging him forward or willing him to make a move. If a man did this you how would you react? Pull away right? Then thats exactly what he will do if you decide to lead and he's not sure. Don't chase/smother or crowd him. Invest time in yourself and your life. He is just the icing on the cake... not the main ingredient.

2) LJBF him: mirror his move. If he says 'we're friends right?'. Smile and say 'of course we're friends... why would you think otherwise. I mean i like you an all but not in that way.' Use the word 'friend' a lot. Treat him like an older (or younger!) brother and tell him he reminds you of one. Tell him 'you love being friends with him... hes the first guy that you can really open up to without that awkward sexual tension getting in the way' which of course isn't true ;) Tell him 'he makes you feel safe because you know he doesn't see you that way'. Trust me... guys hate to be boxed in like this especially when you 'assume' something wrong about them. And you're creating a world where there are rules and the rule is he can't have you!

3) Create a Triangle: provide a setting where you are in demand. Everyone has admirers. Let him see you are desired. This builds the attraction he has for you. A well timed call from another guy when you are with him will do the trick. The key is let him see you choose/prefer to spend time him... 'your friend'... over them so that he can see you are selective not easy... and it makes him feel good (but confused. which is a good thing!). Ask him to be your wing man when out for the night. Then let him rescue you from bad chat up attempts or better still from awful dates (call him halfway through to help you escape! and then both laugh about it in a bar down the road afterwards). Tell him 'hes such a nice guy and other guys just aren't reliable like him.' Use words to describe him as you would a pet dog (sweet, safe, dependable, caring, trustworthy). Of course he'll want to prove you wrong ;)

4) Create a subtle sexual tension: Ok you may say you don't fancy him... but this is not how you act. Flirt like you don't realise your doing it. Be innocent to your sexuality and how it affects him when you are together. Touch his arm/back innocently, hug him, massage his shoulders, do the little cute things you know drives him crazy.... but don't let on you know you're doing them. If you're a naturally sexy girl then you'll prob do this to him without realising. You can even go further, if you dare to, with a little admission that you find him a bit attractive one night when your really drunk (Make it the in-joke of the evening that of course you find him sexy and maybe you'll even consider a marriage pact @ 40 with him if theres no one else for you. Of course he'll still be single... so bonus for him) You can always ignore it the next day when your hungover and sober or keep the joke running that he's your reserve. Your kids would look ok so he can be on your list for now ;) Confuse the hell out of him? Hell yeah... why not ;)

5) Enjoy time with him: this is the easy one. Have a laugh. Make adventures. Create a world with just the two of you in it. This will develop his emotional & mental attraction for you rather than just physical. 

6) Like him, date others: I've added this in because i think its one element that was missing when i first posted this. Girls tend to put all their 'eggs in one basket' by focusing on their 'feelings' for just one guy. You need to widen the net by dating other men, and it doesn't have to be physical, just dinner & drinks. This will in turn do two things: Firstly it will help you develop preferences for what you like and don't like in a man so you can compare with the one you really like, and secondly take the pressure and your attention off him periodically to give him time to miss you. To quote Stephanie Klein.... always have a pair & a spare.

Ok challenge set... now just sit back and watch him rise to it ;) And if he doesn't?... try not to take it as a reflection on you. Enjoy it for what it is... just a game. If you had fun being in his company then you've lost nothing but gained some nice moments & memories. Also realise if he's not taking the bait then he's not giving you what you desire (and this is all about you right?), so find someone that can and will. There will always be a guy out there to replace him so put the 'game player' on a back burner and move on.... don't settle for anything less, don't waste your time and most importantly don't chase.

N.B. If the guy genuinely likes you but is hesitating because of lack of confidence or because you've been sending mixed signals yourself... this will only make him more uncertain and for sure he will back off to avoid rejection. Just be aware of the guy & your actions girls... 

"And I don't wanna be the One..."

I actually listened to these lyrics the other day and i must say they really hit home. When i was that girl, the one ruled by her emotions... heart on her sleeve an all that... this was my song.



I didn't want to be the one to feel the way i did about someone, and be the only one telling them. And it hurt me that the person who i thought i loved, would say what i wanted to hear but still keep me waiting, unable to offer me anything real. I was the girl in that song... and i was let down so many times.

And now? Maybe i was wrong to be scared to 'Be the One'. If fear is only loss. And you can't lose what you didn't have to begin with... then the fear of rejection is obsolete. I've been burnt quite badly by love in the past and i came out stronger and happier for it. I wouldn't change a thing.

It has been said that 'there is a reason you choose what is happening around you. So hang on, live your way through it the best you know how, and in a bit, you'll find out why.'

I like that. I can relate. Every choice i made or every event that has happened to me in the past i can now see was for a reason, and the reason was always a good one. So how can i not be happy for every outcome however it makes me feel at the time.... cos eventually i will be better off and happier for it, and more importantly living the life i chose

I'm reminded now of something a wise friend said to me recently: 'you have to be open to love, regardless of their emotional baggage/hangups... as that's they only way to be true to yourself.' In a world where a lot of people become cynical and bitter after breakups, hardening their hearts to protect themselves... it would take a lot of courage and a lot of work on your inner self to be able love unconditionally like that. Almost like going full circle and becoming a child again, able to love openly without expectations, but with the wisdom to see past the fear of losing it.

So, if i can try to be selfless & open enough to love unconditionally, next time... just maybe, i also won't be afraid to 'Be the One'?

Until then... i'll admit, i do quite like this song ;)

'Approach Anxiety' from a girls p.o.v...

Ok there seems to be this negative connotation to being single among most of the girls that i know... and it worries me.

 

I guess society/culture is to blame... bombarding us with images of happy couples, songs about love and 'happy ever after' movie endings where the guy always gets the girl (why is it never about the girl getting the guy??). So in the face of such a one-sided view of relationships... why would any girl feel good about being single? I mean we are constantly swamped with the belief that unless we are swept off our feet, engaged, then married and hopefully laden two adorable kids before middle-age, we are what the Japanese call 'christmas cake' - past our sell by date after the 25th!

 

Hmmm... so what i'm i leading up to? Well in a typical situation a friend of mine is finding it hard to face being single again. She would rather stay with her ex than move on, even though he isn't making her happy. Erm... why? I asked her this... what it was she was afraid of? and her answer was that guys never seemed to approach her or chase her, and so in her life there was always a shortage of men. And she didn't want to be left on the shelf... Bridget Jones Syndrome methinks.

I can sympathize as i have been there. Looking back i can see that at one time i never had the confidence, like my friend, to even look directly at a guy i liked... never mind approach him. The frustrating moment would come when i would be out with the girls, spy a guy who i stood out, someone i liked the look of, i would shyly catch his eye.... and that was it. Nothing would happen!

 

I don't in anyway think i'm unattractive or a 'bush pig' (derogative term for ugly girls SOME of my male friends use when they don't think i'm listening!). Still the fact that guys would not approach me even after catching my eye, would have a huge impact on my self-esteem. 

It was obvious to me those great guys, who seemed few and far between, didn't find me worthy of approaching, and the ones that did were either really weird it was embarrassing or so drunk it was insulting.

 

Eventually I changed...

 

I started opening my eyes to different view... one where i was a goddess, in demand and wanted by all men, and there was an abundance of hot men in the city.

 

Just the simple fact of changing my beliefs had an amazing effect in my reality:

• I became more confident in myself and the high calibre of guys i could attract
• I was more open to guys approaching me just by adopting a smile & a relaxed attitude
• I was strong enough to approach a guy i liked without fear of rejection

The result? An abundance of hot, interested, cool guys on my speed dial and many more asking to be noticed! ;)

 

So while leaving the approaching to men is nice and complimentary, and don't get me wrong i'm all for sitting back and letting the dates come to you, theres little chance of it happening if:

 

a) the guy is not confident enough in himself

or

b) you're not inviting or open enough for any guy to try.

 

I mean if your giving off either a desperate-scanning-the-room-in-hunting-mode or bitchy-don't-even-try-it vibe men will sub-consciously steer clear. The latter is the worst. There are girls i know that are automatically suspicious of any male that approaches them. They say its cheesy or its creepy and all at once the bitch shield is up and the poor guy is given the cold shoulder.

 

All i can say is.... i know how much it takes to cold approach a stranger and blatantly show interest. You're putting yourself out there - its scary, your heart is going at a rollercoaster rate, you've no idea what to say and everyone is looking at you. And girls have it easier than guys! because straight off, and i quote from many guy friends i know 'a man will sleep with a her or he won't'. Meaning? All a girl has to do is walk up and say 'hi' and if he will sleep with her, she's in. For a guy approaching a girl? Different story.

 

So if men have it harder than women I think its only fair for us of the fairer sex to cut the ones that at least try some slack.

 

Smile, make eye contact, be bold enough to look again, and most importantly be friendly! You can even make it easier for him by saying something off-hand first (my usual is 'I like your...[insert cool accessory or peice of clothing here]' and 9 times out of 10 he will continue the conversation).

Do this... even if you don't think you fancy him. No harm in making friends. After all, haven't we all had boyfriends we just didn't find attractive the first time you both met? What if the cheeky but geeky looking sidekick to the Adonis you've been eyeing up all night is really the one that gets you, makes you laugh and inspires your dreams.... but you let him slip by after one, slightly dismissive, glance that tells you almost too quickly 'he seems nice, but nothing special'.

 

I know i'd kick myself....