Apr 29, 2009

Be your own best friend...

Sometimes i have these nights out where i tend to let loose and go a bit crazy. These are the nights for girls only. We dress up in the sexiest strapless numbers. We wear classy high heels and fine eyeliner. We drink only cocktails & champagne. And we get into trouble... a lot.

It was on one of those nights where i met a girl who was as sweet as a pea. You know, more damsel than diva... I instantly warmed to her. We talked for ages, girly bonding and such like. And it while we talked that i noticed how little faith in herself she had. In fact she put herself down so much it alarmed me. I asked her why of course she felt this way... and as you can imagine she had little self-confidence.

Me: but if you had a best friend who spoke to you like you spoke to yourself... would you tolerate it? Would you allow them to stay in your life?
Sweet Pea Girl: No. Of course not.
Me: Then why do you allow your mind to do the same? You need to be your own best friend, and be more understanding of your own faults, just like you would a friend. Because if you don't respect & love yourself, who is to say anyone else will?
Sweet Pea Girl: Oh.... 

I can relate. When i was in my early 20s i felt the same way. I had no belief in who i was. In fact i even disliked myself so much i would tell 'me' how stupid/annoying/boring i was constantly. That way, i wasn't letting myself down because i was already there.

Now I am my own best friend. I console and cheer myself on all the time. I allow for my flaws and accept them. I understand myself and enjoy my own company. And the more i like myself, the more others accept and like me for who i am too.

I explained this theory to another friend when we met for dinner Monday night. She is the most selfless & caring person i know. Though she admitted that her insecurity drives her to be charitable as a way to pamper her ego. I was interested in her approach to life. A person who had taken the 'other' road, one less travelled, and yet was not as happy as she could be. We agreed that balance was needed in order to be happy. Not completely selfish or selfless, but flexible to either or both at the same time.

Charity girl liked my concept of 'be your own best friend' but her slant on it was different. She explained that in her view it meant being able to rely on yourself and be on you own without needing anyone else. 

I think both aspects go hand in hand, as you have to care for yourself in order to trust and rely on it totally.

And so I wonder how many of us out there can count on ourselves to be 'our best friend'? After all... we have to live with ourselves for a very, very long time.



This is good material! I so agree. In the immortal words of Ru Paul-"If you can't love yourself, how the hell you think anyone else gonna-love you?" LOL. No, there is never an inappropriate time for a Ru Paul reference.

I'm definitely my own best friend, but I think that it also has some downsides. With all of the security and personal solidarity that comes along with truly caring for and understand oneself---one gains a slightly intimidating aura. Not having so much "need" can actually put people off. But that's ok--they're probably the types that wouldn't be beneficial to our wellbeing, anyway.

Frank Macchia

Thanks for following my blog...and I'm glad it led me to yours.

this post really speaks to me...the whole "not tolerating your inner monolgue being so harsh."

lately I've been under the gun...graduating from my program and job searching. I've been really critical of myself and pushing myself a lot harder than I should.

again, I can really identify with this post.

wise words.

now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see what othr jems I can find in this blog lol.


@J - LOL! you always see the other side to my reflections and balance me out a bit ;) you're the yin to my yang or the whatever... i thik we attract ppl inot our lives who are like us or who are ready to learn from us or us from them. So yes ppl who find non-needy ppl intimifating wouldn't be the ppl i would have around. But i do find that a lot of insecure types actual like having me around... not to be arrogant, but i think positive energy is catching?

@Frank - i spoke to ur gf a lot on 20SB chat last night. She directed me to your blog ;) mainly because i know what its like to date an animator and i was interested in your work! Thanks for your feedback! It took me so long to realise how i was my own worst enemy. I hope the job hunting goes well? You seem really talented!


i love the be your own friend kind of thing. it makes perfact sense. i have always had the tendency to talk to myself from time to time and usually when asked on my wierd habbit, my reply is always - "because i find myself intresting enough to conduct a conversation with myself"...

i love most of your outlooks on stuff and i have falle in love with the def. of uncondisional love from one of your posts. (my boyfriend is touching on marriege a lot these days and me being the lady-like "drama queen" that i am, im secretly freacking out...



Rubby - lol! i'm always talking to myself! I think its one of the first signs of madness?! haha

thx for your feedback. The great thing about unconditional love is that if you have it, then you are able to absorb and reflect outlooks if you desire them to define you a lot easier than someone with a lot of hate or bitterness. I try not to dwell on those emotions too much. Mainly as they never help me understand others... only alienate me. And i'm such a social freak. I love a good connection ;)



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